


One More Miracle - Don't Be Dead

by Becci Barnes (BeccEEE)



Series: Miracle Trilogy [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers Family, Avengers in Wakanda, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Character Death Mentioned, Character Death prior to story, Cryofreeze (Marvel), Endgame fix it, F/M, Fix-It, Grieving, M/M, Past Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Pepperony (mentioned), Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Endgame, Reviving, Slowburn Stony (...soon), Steve is the Captain, SteveTony, Stony - Freeform, Taking care of Tony, The Astral Plane, Tony is Confused, Wakanda (Marvel), Wakandan Technology, alternative ending, battle aftermath, dr. strange does his magic, father Tony Stark, fury saves the day, saving tonys life, wakandan funeral
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:14:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 45,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21923476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeccEEE/pseuds/Becci%20Barnes
Summary: 2023 - The final battle against Thanos is well underway as fate takes its course. The power of the Infinity Stones hurls Tony's spirit out of his body and onto the astral plane. Unable to interact with the real world, Tony has to watch helplessly as Steve and the others try to keep him alive. Although they have all the Wakandan technology and Dr. Strange on their side, the case seems unique and hopeless, but Steve will not give up on him.
Relationships: Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: Miracle Trilogy [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1578937
Comments: 8
Kudos: 70





	1. Falling

**Author's Note:**

> My take on fixing the ending of Endgame and making it Stevetony.
> 
> Part one of the upcoming trilogy and already finished, so stay tuned for updates :)
> 
> Tags may be added as we progress in the story.
> 
> Playlist with some of the songs that acompanied my writing can be found here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4lbcwLCOxs5PBwocUn0En5?si=5MEI6ewfSdGGiV8BOPaDuQ  
> Roughly sorted with one song per chapter and growing with published chapters, enjoy :)

The infinity stones integrated themselves completely seamlessly into his suit. He hadn't anticipated it, hadn't planned for it, but his nano technology easily made room for the stones on the back of his hand. The pain that followed was not of this world. It was as if high voltage ate through his veins and corroded his body from within. Not even his high-tech suit, his Opus Magnum, his life's work could do anything to counteract this, although it still fought valiantly against it. It cost Tony all his willpower to keep his torso upright and as he felt the energy making its way up his arm, he knew he didn't have much time left. He looked into Thanos' face and put as much disgust and anger into that look as he could. He knew what had to follow now, and Thanos knew it too.  
"And I... am... Iron Man" 

Tony snapped his fingers and at that very moment his vision turned black. He had thought the pain he already felt could not be exceeded but he had been wrong. The right side of his body was now literally ablaze as the energy broke its way through his body, leaving nothing but destruction and pain. He had suffered quite a few injuries in his life, but none of them had prepared him in the least for this. He wanted to shake off the pain, but his body did not react. He wanted to scream, but no sound passed his lips. And he knew that this was the end. He had known it from the moment Strange had given him the signal. But he had hoped it would go faster. Everything inside him was writhing and twisting in agony, while he could only imagine his friends and comrades-in-arms watching him helplessly in his death struggle. He fumbled around in the darkness surrounding him and found a stone to drop himself against. It was probably one of the remnants of their Avengers compound, which he had planned and built so meticulously, and of which nothing was left now. It had been a reflection of himself, indestructible and unique. And yet both of them had now served their purpose, and at the end of their respective paths was nothing but destruction.

The stinging, all-encompassing pain in Tony's right body half gave way to a definitive numbness. It was as if his body was slowly drifting into nothingness, but without the blinding pain he could gradually see blurred figures in front of his eyes again. His right ear was numb, as was everything else on that side, but through his left ear, sounds were now entering his dazed brain again. Tony heard Rhodey landing in front of him and opening the helmet of his armour. His face floated blurry into Tony's field of vision. They didn't need words, and there probably wouldn't have been any appropriate ones anyway. Rhodey's armoured hand touching Tony's face was a gesture of farewell, friendship and respect equally. No one had endured Tony as long as Rhodey had.  
"Mr. Stark?" A voice made its way into his consciousness. It was a familiar voice, but Tony couldn't get his remaining brain hemisphere to make a connection. Rhodey's face disappeared from his vision. "Hey, Mr. Stark, can you hear me?" Only with great effort did Tony manage to focus his gaze on the new, smaller face in front of him. Yes, he could hear him, the boy who knelt before him and was speaking to him with a broken voice. Tony tried to nod, but he had long since lost control of his body. He felt his head move a little, but wasn't sure if that was due to his own efforts or the fact that the boy had put his hands on his chest. He took Tony's healthy left hand between his own ones and squeezed firmly.  
"It's Peter" ... Peter... Peter... the name bounced around Tony's head for a while, ricocheting painfully off the walls and leaving a dull echo. Something was stirring in his memory, but he couldn't grasp it.  
"Hey... we won, Mr Stark... We won, Mr Stark… We won! You did it, sir, you did it." Tony knew it. He had known it the moment the sheer power of the infinity stones had taken away his vision. He knew that he wouldn't be sitting here suffering now if Thanos was still alive. And yet it felt good to hear it, to be sure that his death would not have been in vain.  
"I'm sorry, Tony..." The voice of the boy - Peter - broke. Something or someone pulled him to his feet and away from Tony. To his left he could hear his choked sobbing, while the blurred shadows in front of his eyes became darker and darker.

"Tony!" Steve's outcry hit Tony unexpectedly hard. Although he would probably recognise his voice among millions, he had never heard it so full of fear and pain. Tony heard someone running towards him, but his eyes no longer transported an image to his brain, even though he felt that they were still open. He faintly heard that someone, no doubt Steve, falling to his knees in front of him, but he already didn't hear what Steve said to him. Tony felt his muscles losing all tension and his hand slipping from his upper body to the floor. And Tony knew it was over. He was alone in the darkness, unable to hear anything, feel anything, see anything. 

He closed his eyes, ready to leave this world. This world, whose salvation had been his death sentence. He had accepted it, adopted to it. He should have died 13 years ago, it was only thanks to Dr. Yinsen that he had been given a second chance. He had had to promise the doctor back then not to waste his life. And if you traded that very life to save the entire universe, then surely nobody could talk about wasting it. He was grateful for every single moment he had experienced after the explosion in Afghanistan. And what those moments had been. Of course he was Tony Stark, if there was one thing his life had never been, it was normal. But since Iron Man, the Avengers, Pepper and their daughter Morgan had entered his life, they had turned everything upside down. Morgan... Pepper... thinking of them both hurt deep in Tony's chest. He knew they would be all right and that his own death would be the reason they were still alive. Nevertheless, he felt guilty about leaving them behind alone. He hadn't even seen Pepper once again. Certainly she was now mourning with the others over his disfigured, lifeless body. He didn't want to imagine the tears running down her beautiful face. He did not want to think about it. 

Actually, he was wondering why he was still thinking anyway. He had always imagined death to be more final. The big black nothing in which he just floated around bodilessly, without feelings, without thoughts. If being dead meant being alone with his thoughts for eternity, then he would probably regret his decision in the end. There was a reason why he had established himself an artificial intelligence. One might call him a genius, but brilliant thoughts could be very exhausting if they could not be shared. At least with death, the pain and numbness had disappeared from his body as well.  
Lost in thought, Tony rubbed his hand across his forehead, like he always did when one of his projects took its toll, and opened his eyes.

He stared at Steve's face. But Steve did not look at him. He had lowered his head, one hand on the container for nanoparticles on Tony's chest, the other on his shoulder. Tony looked to the left. He saw Steve's hand lying there, his fingers clawed into his armour, but he didn't feel them. Tony raised his right arm to check if he maybe just imagined Steve's touch.  
Not only did he surprisingly manage to lift his totally destroyed right arm effortlessly, but his hand went straight through Steve. Shocked, Tony looked at his arm. It was a pale image of his actual arm, perfectly healthy and neither burned nor otherwise damaged, but Tony could see Steve very clearly through his own arm. He looked down at himself. To the right of his body was his arm, just as he remembered it: marked by colourful burns and tightly fused with his broken armour. Tony's gaze wandered from his real arm to the arm he had just moved. He couldn't say that he missed the pain that had disappeared so suddenly, but he was sure that it should have been there. But he was also sure that he should have been dead, and since he could apparently think and move, that did not seem to be the case.


	2. Hoping

The screams and battle sounds that filled the air slowly brought Steve back to the present. Along with his consciousness, the pain came back. Thanos had a powerful right hook and Steve probably owed it to the super-serum that it hadn't driven his nose right into his brain. It took him a while to shake off the dazedness and headaches, although he was sure that especially the latter would return later with all its strength. From a distance, he saw Carol live up to her name as Captain Marvel, putting up a fight at equal level with Thanos. She was perhaps the only one who could stand up to him in this way. 

Steve didn't quite see how it happened, but Carol's body was hurled away in a single golden glow and landed out of reach of Thanos. As quickly as his own bruised body allowed him to, Steve picked himself up. The Titan was still wearing the gauntlet, studded with all six infinity stones, ready to use it. And that could not happen under any circumstances, not again. The whole purpose of this mission had been to prevent it. All the hardships, time travels and losses of the last few days had been heading for this moment and Steve would not let it all be wasted. 

Before Steve stood straight again, someone else had thrown himself on Thanos arm. Behind the broad back of their opponent, Steve could clearly see Tony in his red-golden armour pulling the gauntlet with all his strength and wrestling with Thanos. Steve was aware that he had no chance. None of them could stand up to Thanos in a one-on-one duel. As a team, however, they might be able to do it. Steve started running, heading straight towards Thanos. He wanted to grab him from behind and somehow distract him from Tony. But he didn't make more than three steps before Tony flew through the air in a high arc and hit the ground hard, a few metres away from Thanos and without the gauntlet. Steve froze mid-movement and watched horrified what happened in front of him. Thanos raised his gloved hand and brought his thumb and index finger together.  
He snapped. Nothing happened. And in a split second Steve realised what was going on. 

He gasped for air as he saw the infinity stones integrating themselves into Tony's suit. He wanted to run to him, rip the stones from his armour, talk him out of his plan, but he was standing way too far away. Not even he could cover that distance in the few seconds he had left, and most likely Tony wouldn't listen to him anyway. He never did.  
Helplessly, Steve watched the pure power of the stones eat through Tony's armour. He saw his mouth move, but the noise of the still raging battle around them kept the words from reaching Steve. What got through to him, however, was the sight that followed as Tony snapped his fingers. It was as if each of the six stones sent one of Thor's powerful lightning bolts through Tony's body. They relentlessly broke their way through metal and flesh alike and Tony collapsed in a flood of colourful lightning. 

Steve was paralysed. He couldn't move a muscle, he just watched Tony's body being swallowed up by the energy as he lay twitching at Thano's feet. It lasted only a few seconds and the effect followed immediately. Grey-brown shadows whirled around Steve, and he didn't need to look around to know that Thano's army was vanishing into thin air. He should have felt relieved, victorious despite all odds, but the scenario in front of his eyes did not allow for any of these feelings. As Tony moved weakly on the ground and dragged himself to a nearby rock, Steve managed to free himself from his paralysis and ran towards him. Rhodey was there before him, but his reaction made Steve hurry even more. A dark premonition manifested itself in him, but he pushed it as far away from him as he could. He would not allow these thoughts to arise. 

Something red and blue whizzed past Steve's head and landed right in front of Tony. Spider-Man removed his nano particle helmet and revealed Peter, the boy from Queens. Steve was now close enough to hear what Peter said when he kneeled down in front of his mentor, but the sight of Tony up close made everything else seem unimportant. Steve had witnessed Tony in many extreme situations; when he hadn't slept for days, when he had completely exhausted himself in a fight, and when he had nearly starved to death in space. But the Tony who was sitting there now, leaning against the remains of their Avengers compound, was in a disastrous condition that surpassed all this by far. Using the infinity stones had cost him his right arm and the black encrusted flesh under the burnt armour stretched to his chest and up his face. His eyes were still moving but Steve had seen enough soldiers die to recognise the shallow breath and aimless gaze. A sting went straight into Steve's chest and suddenly he himself had trouble breathing. He gasped for air and couldn't prevent tears from rising to his eyes. "Tony" he whispered breathlessly. It couldn't be true, it just mustn't be true. Tony had survived everything so far, had jumped off death's hook so many times, he was a master at not dying. 

"Tony!" Steve shouted, this time more forcefully and stumbled further forwards. Quick-wittedly, Rhodey pulled Peter to his feet and away from Tony, otherwise Steve would probably have run over the boy. Steve dropped to his knees in front of Tony. "Tony come on, stay with me. We'll fix this, I'm sure we'll find a way." He wasn't sure if he was reassuring Tony or himself. He had no idea how to repair such a damage to the human body, but Bruce or Fury or anyone would certainly find a solution, Tony just wasn't allowed to give up. He had to stay with him, stay awake. Steve stared into the brown eyes, which were not looking back at him, but blankly aimed at a point above his right ear. "Tony.... No..." His voice was only a whisper as he put one hand on the blue glowing field on Tony's chest. "Friday?" he asked Tony's artificial intelligence, in the faint hope that she would tell him that doctors were already informed and point out one of several possible solutions. " Life functions critical" was an answer he did not want to hear. The blue light under Steve's hand flickered and went out as Tony's healthy left hand slipped off his chest. Desperately, Steve clawed his hand into Tony's shoulder. His fingernails scraped over the red armour. "No, don't leave us alone, come on!" He even shook Tony a little. But he got no reaction. Steve lowered his head, not wanting to look into those empty brown eyes. He didn't want to see that it was too late. He didn't want to see that Tony's spirit had already left his lifeless body. Tears dripped on the red metal and the died-out container for nano particles. 

"Captain Rogers" he heard someone behind him say. "It is over" It was the quiet voice of Stephen Strange, but it sounded thicker and rougher than usual.  
"No" Steve answered and raised his head. He wouldn't give up on Tony. Not until the best doctors in the world had had a look at him. He had already abandoned a friend who was believed dead before, that wouldn't happen to him again and Tony would certainly have done the same for him. No matter what he had always claimed, here and now they were both soldiers and Steve had no intention of just letting his comrade die.  
"I'll take him to Bruce" said Steve in a futile try to make his voice sound firm and determined "He can help him, he knows all about this gamma radiation" He threw Tony's left arm over his shoulder and made attempts to lift his lifeless body.  
"Captain" Strange's voice was louder now and Steve felt a hand on his own shoulder gently but surely preventing him from standing up with Tony's body. "Let it be, Cap. There's nothing more you can do for him"  
"But... I just have to... but I.... Bruce can surely..." Steve heard himself stammer before his words turned into sobbing and he slumped down, powerless. The tears were now streaming down his face inexorably, shaking his whole body. 

"Come with me" Strange said quietly and tried to manoeuvre Steve out from under Tony's arm and onto his legs. But suddenly he flinched back as if he'd burnt himself. Steve looked up. Strange stared at Tony's face in complete bewilderment, as if he really recognised him for the first time. He turned his head towards Steve, but kept his eyes firmly fixed on Tony. "Maybe you're right..." he said, and now it was Steve who flinched. "Maybe he still has a chance" Steve widened his eyes and new hope rose in his chest. If medicine couldn't save Tony anymore, then maybe magic could. He had long since stopped trying to understand everything that was happening in the world around him. If Strange knew a spell that could bring Tony back to them, then he was immediately willing to believe anything. "We need more time..." Strange murmured and Steve saw that he was thinking intensely. He didn't dare interrupt his thoughts, so he sat silently on the floor next to Tony and waited.

Finally, Strange seemed to get an idea and he turned back to Steve. " Lift him up" he now spoke very quickly, "I'm sending you to Wakanda, Shuri has to put him in a cryocapsule immediately. If his body starts to decompose, we won't have any chance to get him back. The ice prevents the decomposition process from starting until I find the right spell. Go now!" While he had still been speaking, he had opened a portal in front of Steve. Steve wiped his eyes, threw Tony's arm back over his shoulder and lifted him up. He had only understood half of what Strange had said, but since he had no better plan himself, he would blindly follow the Sorcerer Supreme. Without hesitation, Steve stepped through the golden glowing portal.


	3. Freezing

"Captain Rogers, it's over" Tony raised his head and looked in the direction from which he had heard the voice. Dr Strange stood a few yards away and watched Steve. Steve, who was still kneeling on the ground in front of Tony. Steve, whose tears were wetting the container for nanoparticles on Tony's chest. Steve, who had no idea that Tony had just moved.   
Tony glanced at the others standing around him. Thor looked down at him in disbelief. Nebula had covered her mouth with her hands and looked startled. Peter sobbed in Rhodey's arms. Pepper was not there, but several members of their team were missing. They were probably still scattered all over the battlefield. Tony's gaze wandered to Strange, who was now slowly approaching, and then back to Steve. He did not understand. The energy of the infinity stones had overwhelmed him and he had known from the beginning that this would happen. There was no way he could have survived this severe overload. He had to be dead, his mind told him so, and so did the faces of his comrades. But he didn't feel very dead and he had the faint suspicion that if he really was dead he wouldn't be able to observe his surroundings so precisely either. Tony heard talking around him, but he was too busy with his own thoughts to follow the conversation. 

A movement from Steve drew Tony's attention back to him. He was presented with a bizarre picture. Steve had thrown Tony's arm over his shoulder and obviously wanted to lift him up. And although Tony saw his arm resting on Steve's shoulders, he could feel that his real arm was still hanging down motionless at his side, right where he had left it. It was as if he suddenly had two left arms. A real, physical one that Steve could touch and lift, and a mental, transparent one that Tony could move himself. Under normal circumstances, these two arms were supposed to overlap perfectly and merge into one, but the interaction of the two components seemed to have been clearly disrupted. 

While Tony pondered this realisation, he saw Steve on his left, sinking into a pile of misery. Admittedly, it was a Captain America-sized pile, and given Steve's sheer body mass, more like a heap, but the sight was devastating. Steve cried unrestrainedly and had lost all resemblance to the steadfast super soldier he was known for. A queasy feeling spread in Tony's stomach. This was his fault. Steve suffered because of him. Steve believed he was dead and given the situation, Tony couldn't even blame him. He himself knew that he had to make a pretty dead impression on bystanders. He would have liked best to hug Steve, comfort him and tell him that all was well and that he had survived. And even though Tony didn't know where this sudden urge to touch Steve came from, he also knew that he had no way of telling Steve anything as long as his spiritual self did not cooperate with his physical self.

"Come with me" Strange said quietly and reached for Steve's upper arm. He apparently tried to pull Steve out from beneath the lifeless weight of Tony's arm. But as Steve made no attempt to move, Strange was fighting a lost cause. He lifted Tony's arm to put it back next to his body when he suddenly flinched back unexpectedly. And Tony immediately knew why. Strange had touched his spiritual self. Although Strange had grasped his physical wrist, Tony had clearly felt that touch on his spiritual wrist. And judging by the look on his face, Strange had also felt something. He looked at him intensely and Tony was not sure if it was really only his body he was looking at. "Maybe you' re right." Strange said and it took Tony a moment to realise that he wasn't talking to him, but to Steve again. "Maybe he still has a chance" Tony and Steve both widened their eyes. Strange knew more than he was telling, of this Tony was very sure. He knew that expression on his face, which showed that Strange was thinking about something far beyond the understanding of those around him. Tony himself had perfected the use of this very expression. In fact, he had basically invented that expression. 

Strange decided to share his thoughts with them. "I'm sending you to Wakanda, Shuri has to put him into a cryocapsule immediately. If his body starts to decompose, we won't have any chance to get him back. The ice prevents the decomposition process from starting until I find the right spell. Go now!" Tony stared at Strange in disbelief and hoped very much that the sorcerer could actually see him. He had understood the words, yet his mind was still struggling to grasp the situation in its entirety. If they needed a cryocapsule from Wakanda to stop the decomposition of his body, then at least a part of him had to be dead. A healthy body did not just start to decompose. On the other hand, Tony's right arm was very far from healthy right now, and no one really knew what impact the infinity stones could have. Although the prospect of Strange looking for a suitable spell sounded promising, it still worried Tony a little. He was not keen on the doctor practising his new magic tricks on him. But for now he seemed to be the only one who even knew of the existence of Tony's spiritual self, which left Tony with no other choice but to trust him.

The golden glow of the portal illuminated Steve's face as he threw Tony's arm over his shoulder again and lifted him up as effortlessly as if he were a little boy and not a grown man in armour. Tony suddenly stared into his own face. His body lay motionless in Steve's arms while the thinking part of his self remained seated on the ground. It was surreal to look at himself from the outside, especially because Tony's body was really in no good shape. The mere sight of his blackened arm made Tony feel the pain he had suffered again and he was glad that it had apparently been part of his physical self.  
Tony hurried to get on his feet. He trusted Steve and knew that he would handle his body with care, but he still wouldn't let him out of his sight. He didn't know how this body-spirit-thing worked that he had gotten into here, and he preferred not to try out what would happen if Steve went through the portal to Wakanda with his body while his spirit stayed behind. Steve exchanged one more meaningful look with Strange, then he stepped over the golden, sparking threshold to Wakanda. Tony was so close on his heels that Steve would have felt him beside him if Tony had inhabited a body one could feel. 

With just one step, he and Steve had travelled 11,000 kilometres in one second. The room that awaited them on the other side of the portal looked familiar to Tony, even though he had never been here before. The large glass panels to their right revealed a clear starry sky and the silvery moonlight shone down on a smooth dark grey floor. After the dim light and the dusky dust that had hung over the battlefield in New York, the room seemed unnaturally clean and bright. For a moment, Tony was filled with enthusiasm. He actually was in Wakanda. Since they had opened the country to the world, he had intended to take a look at the technology and innovations they were developing here. But the war against Thanos followed by his own family planning hadn't left him much time for leisure flights until now. He was very eager to try everything here. Then his eyes fell on Steve again and his excitement evaporated. Steve was still holding Tony's lifeless body in his arms. He turned helplessly to the portal behind them, through which they could see Strange and the others. "Stay right there", Strange called out to Steve before the portal closed and they were left alone. Without the golden, sparking ring, the room went instantly dark. 

Tony heard Steve breathing heavily next to him and turned to look just in time to see his legs give way. He fell to his knees, pressing Tony's body firmly against his chest. Again, Tony was upset that he couldn't touch anything. He couldn't do anything else but watch Steve give in to this moment of weakness. It was a very private and rare moment and Tony knew that Steve would never have shown himself like that if he knew Tony was watching him.   
They waited a few seconds in the darkness, surrounded by the low hum of electronic devices. Then the golden glow returned and with it Doctor Strange and a woman Tony didn't know. He thought he had seen her briefly on the battlefield, firing energy at her enemies with metal gloves. Although that was in fact his own trademark, given the circumstances, Tony had decided to tolerate it.

Steve was struggling to get on his feet when the two of them appeared behind him. "Bring him over here" the woman said and hurried to a stretcher nearby. A few hand movements in the air filled the room with a cold white light and the hologram screens around her lit up. Tony looked around in excitement. It was almost as if he was back in his workshop. Only it was much tidier here. Steve carefully laid Tony's body down on the stretcher and looked at the woman expectantly. She typed away on the projections with quick fingers. Tony stepped closer to look over her shoulder. He was simply too curious about the Wakandan technology. 

"Close the belts over him" the woman ordered and Steve immediately followed the command. With agitated fingers he reached for the grey straps under the stretcher and made the fasteners click together across Tony's chest, hips and knees.   
"What are you doing with him, Shuri," Steve asked nervously and Tony looked up from the screen. It was clearly difficult for Steve to just leave Tony's body to her. And somehow Tony was moved by that. Despite all the differences between them, here and now, when it really mattered, he could count on Steve as his captain. "I'll put him on ice" she replied and even from this distance Tony could see Steve shiver at the word ice. " Like Strange said, we have to stop the decomposition process, and that can best be done in a cryocapsule like this one. When biology no longer works against us, we'll have enough time to figure out what else we can do for Tony." Tony nodded approvingly at her, which of course no one could see. The plan was so good, it could have been his. Strange put a reassuring hand on Steve's shoulder. "You have to trust us, Cap. It's the only option we have. Tony is still here, I felt him. I just have to find a way to bring him back to this level." Steve nodded. Tony could see that not all doubts had been cleared up, but Steve didn't ask any further questions or raise any objections. 

The woman, apparently Shuri, turned her attention back to the screen. Tony watched as the machine detected his body on the stretcher and threw it onto her digital surface as a holographic model, while a transparent tube slowly slid over him, enveloping his body completely in a glass cylinder. With a soft hiss, the capsule closed and Tony could see on the screen that a vacuum had been created inside. Shuri shifted the digital slider labelled "Humidity" to the far left. Again, Tony nodded approvingly. The woman knew what she was doing, he was certainly not the first person she froze here. If there was too much moisture in a body during freezing, the expansion of the freezing water could cause the cells to literally burst and be permanently damaged. Well, his right arm probably didn't have enough cells left for that, but Tony appreciated the effort to keep the rest of his body as undamaged as possible. 

He glanced over to Steve, who did not take his eyes off Tony. Not even when Shuri pressed the freeze button and the ice slowly crawled up the inside of the glass. Steve's body tensed and he clenched his hands into fists, but he didn't turn his eyes away. It took less than ten seconds to complete the process. Tony looked at his own frozen body. He felt nothing. No cold, no stiff limbs or even a little goosebumps. His consciousness really was completely separated from his body. And it was pretty scary to see himself like that.

"If you want, I can send you back to New York." Strange spoke to Steve again. "The others will be busy there cleaning up."   
Steve nodded and tightened his shoulders. "What are you going to do?" he asked, sounding much more like the old Captain.   
"I'm going back to Kamar-Taj. We have the world' s largest collection of magic books there, if there's a way to get him back, I'll find it there."   
Steve nodded. " Keep me posted on your progress, or if you need anything". He hesitated briefly. "And thanks for everything." He reached out his hand to Strange for a goodbye. That one nodded at Steve wordlessly, squeezed his hand briefly and then began to open a portal. Tony looked out as if through a window back onto the battlefield that had once been an Avengers compound. Steve looked back at Tony's frozen body once more and then stepped through the golden ring that closed behind him. Tony blinked and the next moment Doctor Strange had also disappeared. Shuri switched off the monitors, turned off the light and left the room through a door at the other side. Tony was left alone in the darkness.


	4. Helping

Back in New York, Steve realised the full extent of the battlefield. The Avengers compound, which Tony had so carefully designed, planned and constructed for them, had been razed to the ground within minutes by Thanos and his battleship. The main building, the large warehouse, the training centre and the laboratories had been wiped out in a heap of rubble and dust. With the disappearance of Strange, the Hudson River had ultimately collapsed and the masses of water were rushing incessantly into the crater that had once been their base. 

The portal had brought Steve back to the very hill he had left with Tony. Not much time had passed since their departure and those they had left behind had barely moved from the spot. They were petrified in shock, visibly overwhelmed by what they witnessed, or in Peter's case, buried deep in Rhodey's arms in mourning. Some heads turned to Steve when he stood in front of them again so suddenly. He straightened up, ready to live up to his title as Captain. "We have to clean up here. Stop the flooding, recover the injured and save what can still be saved."   
A few looked up to Steve, including Rhodey, Nebula and Thor. Their faces showed the question that hung unspoken in the air between them. Steve decided that they deserved the truth. After all, they all entered the battle side by side with him. "Tony is in Wakanda. Dr Strange says he may be able to bring him back, but until then, we're keeping his body safe in an ice-capsule" When Steve mentioned Tony's name, more heads spun up. The expressions Steve caught ranged from relief to doubt and reflected the cocktail of emotions he was feeling pretty well. He had to take two deep breaths before he could continue speaking.   
"He is in good hands, and there is nothing we can do now but wait. We all need our energy here now. There may be more of us who need help" Thor nodded resolutely and Steve felt the general morale increasing. He knew they would feel better as soon as they could be of use. He himself had successfully practised this kind of distraction many times before, so he started giving instructions. "We have to get rid of the water. Wong, can you and your men pick up where Strange left off? If you can keep the water under control, we can build a dam out of the remains of the buildings, that should do for a while at least. Thor and Bruce, you are in charge of that. Rhodey and Carol, make sure you salvage all the injured. Take them to building 3, it wasn't hit by the bombs. Wanda and Mantis are setting up a provisional infirmary there. Everyone else, join one of these groups, we can use helping hands everywhere." Steve's words were followed by a collective rally and everyone began to move. As Steve had guessed, they were eager to help, they just needed someone to tell them what to do and to add some structure to the seemingly impossible task. 

Steve's eyes fell on Rhodey, who was still holding Peter in his arms. Peter had buried his face on his shoulder and didn't seem to have heard a thing Steve had just said. Steve walked up to them both and gently put his hand on Peter's shoulder to get his attention. Peter raised his head and looked at Steve from tear-stained eyes. In his face Steve could read some of his own grief, which he had pushed far away into the back of his head. "There is still hope" he said to both Peter and himself. He could feel the fear of actually losing Tony forever trying to return to the foreground. "He's still there, Strange will figure out how to bring him back." Peter sniffled and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. Rhodey let go of him carefully and left wordlessly to help with the rescue work. Steve put his arm around Peter in a feeble attempt to give him support.   
"I still see him in front of me," Peter said in a shaky voice. Steve knew exactly what he meant. He too was struggling to get rid of the image of Tony lying at his feet with empty gaze and burnt body. He knew it would haunt him in his nightmares too. "He will get through it. You know Tony, he's not that easy to get down" Peter inhaled and exhaled shakily a few times. But his tears had dried and he straightened up a bit. "I think I can help at the dam with some sticky spider webs" he said quietly and Steve nodded at him encouragingly. 

Once Peter had joined the construction team, Steve had a look around from up on the hill. Everywhere around him were helpers at work, still doing their best after the exhausting battle. Steve felt deep admiration for each and every one of them. Never before had they been such a huge and united team. He hurried down the small slope towards Carol Danvers. She was speaking soothingly to a female warrior from New Asgard who was trapped under a heavy metal plate. Without hesitation, Steve lifted the plate so Carol could pull out the woman from beneath it. Carol gave Steve a thankful look before she flew away towards building 3 with the warrior in her arms. Steve continued his search for helpless bodies, and was able to free three more of his soldiers, who were also flown to the infirmary by War Machine after a short message to Rhodey. 

The scouring of the battlefield was both invigorating and depressing. Just as he had predicted, it helped Steve and especially his never-ending stream of thoughts to work and to do some good with his work. Nevertheless, he was aware that they had not won this battle without losses and that for some of them it might have been too late already. As he set aside several large chunks of wall, he realised again how lucky Tony had been that Strange had felt his presence in an inexplicable, supernatural way. He didn't want to imagine what would have happened if they had given up all hope and left Tony there to die. He threw away a large stone and the dark thoughts with it. Now was not the time for that. He pushed the remains of a concrete column out of the way and his heart sank down several floors. Before he knew what he was seeing there in front of him, he knew that he would rather not see it. The pounding of his heart somewhere close to his stomach told him. 

Steve narrowed his eyes to see something through the dust he had stirred up. Blue-silvery metal shimmered at him. In front of him lay a badly damaged armour of the Mark 49 model, and while Steve dropped to his knees next to it, he prayed that the one wearing it was no longer in the suit. "Friday?" he asked, and was so reminded of the situation he had already been through with Tony today that goose bumps crept up his back and shook his whole body. Friday didn't answer him and now Steve noticed that the blue triangle in the breastplate, which was responsible for powering the suit, was completely shattered. With clumsy fingers, Steve fumbled across the scratched helmet to find a way to manually open the silver visor. He found an edge and tore the metal out of the helmet without further ado. As he had feared, Pepper was still in her armour. Her face was as white as chalk, her eyes closed. Steve felt panic rising within him, and he desperately pulled at the rest of the armour hiding Pepper's neck. She couldn't be dead, she just couldn't be. Tony would be devastated and she had a child to look after. 

The armour gave way to Steve's strength and he pressed two fingers onto the place of Pepper's carotid artery. Seconds went by, but he didn't feel a single heartbeat. But she could not be dead yet. Certainly Wanda or one of the other sorcerers could still do something. Strange would bring back Tony, he surely could bring back Pepper as well. All he had to do was get her out of here and take her to Wakanda, then everything would be fine.   
He lifted her up and once again was too reminded of Tony. That didn't help to keep the clear head he needed. Only now did he notice that the ground beneath Pepper was much darker than the surrounding light brown sand. He didn't need any medical background to realise that such a severe blood loss was more than critical. It was high time he took her to the infirmary. 

With Pepper in his arms he ran off. His tired legs were protesting, but his super serum did what it was supposed to do and kept him in peak condition. In a few minutes he had reached building 3. Tony had had it built as a school building, assuming that the Avengers would later train young superheroes there. Now the tables in the large conference room had been transformed into medical stretchers and the chairs around the walls were occupied by the wounded.   
"Wanda!" Steve yelled as he stumbled over the threshold. Wanda stood with her back to him bent over someone whose face Steve didn't see. But when she heard him yell, she turned around and rushed towards him. Steve laid Pepper on one of the free tables. "I can't feel a heart pulse, you have to help her with some magic"   
Wanda looked down at the white face between them and then glanced up to Steve in agony. "Steve, I can't do this. I can close her wounds or fix her bones, but I can't revive the dead".   
The room had become very quiet, but Steve protested. "Strange will bring Tony back, why should it be any different with Pepper?"   
Wanda looked at him with pity. "Tony hadn't left us completely yet. Pepper, on the other hand..." she looked down again "Something that had pierced her armour damaged her abdominal artery. She must have bled to death within minutes."   
Steve looked around the room for help. One of the sorcerers from Kamar-Taj shook his head as their eyes met. 

It was as if something broke inside Steve. He and Pepper had never been very close, but just the thought of Tony coming back to a world where Pepper was no longer alive tore his heart apart. Tony had always said that she was everything to him, that she had made him a better person. And now she had given her life for the cause and Tony had not even been able to say goodbye. And she left Morgan behind, an innocent little girl who had just lost both her parents today. Everything in Steve hurt at the thought of that. He wondered if he could have helped Pepper, could have spared her from death if only he'd been with her sooner. Probably not. And yet the all too familiar feelings of guilt were already beginning to eat Steve up from the inside.   
Wordlessly, he lifted her body again. He felt the stares of the others as he carried her silently across the room and into the small separate office. She was not the first one here. Steve carefully laid her down next to a Wakanda warrior who was lying on the floor with eyes closed and arms crossed in front of his chest. He had fought for their cause and Steve didn't even know his name. What kind of captain was he?   
His gaze wandered over the others that had been brought into this room. There were many nameless warriors who had entered the battle and died for them. Sorcerers from the Order of Mystic Arts, warriors from Wakanda and from New Asgard. Steve took a moment to look at each of them. It hurt, but they deserved to be honoured and remembered as the brave heroes they had been. 

And then his eyes met another familiar face. He had believed that after the almost loss of Tony and the death of Pepper, things could not get any worse. He had been wrong. Despite a massive head wound, Steve recognised one of the first friends he had had since waking up from the ice. In front of him lay Sam. This time Steve couldn't prevent his legs from giving way and he dropped to the floor. He stared at his friend in consternation. There were no more tears to shed, he just sat there, motionless and in shock. Steve had known there would be casualties, that was how war is, and yet some casualties hurt more than others. He had lost Sam before, had lived without him for the last five years, and his heart had made a tremendous leap when he had suddenly heard his voice through the headset in his ear.  
"On your left" murmured Steve. It was the first sentence he had said to Sam, and the last thing he had heard from him today. Steve had thought he had come to terms with Sam's absence, but this time it was different. It wasn't a superior force that had snapped Sam away, and that might still be fooled. This time it was final.


	5. Reclaiming

It took the whole night to rescue the many injured from the battlefield, but fortunately Steve found no other familiar faces among the dead. He wasn't sure if he could have handled any more either. The dust and smoke that had hung over the Avengers crater had dissipated and the sun was slowly rising over the trees on the other riverbank. Steve watched his comrades-in-arms who sat beside him on the ground leaning against the debris. None of them were unharmed. Scott had suffered a laceration to his head, Quill could show a bad burn on his arm and Clint had placed his broken ankle up on a mound of dirt. Everyone else was covered in more or less deep cuts and bruises. But they were alive. Overtired and exhausted, but alive.

Hope leaned against Scott's shoulder with her eyes closed and she wasn't the only one struggling to stay awake. Peter had curled up on the floor and already seemed to be fast asleep. Now with the necessary work done, the adrenaline slowly left their bodies. What was left behind were all the unpleasant feelings that had previously been repressed. The fight with Thanos had left its marks and the deep cuts on Steve's leg and arm stung. Fatigued, he let his head fall into his hands. He could not remember having ever had such headaches, especially not since the injection of the serum. His brain was throbbing painfully against his skullcap and loudly demanded a dark room and several hours of restful sleep. A wish that Steve unfortunately could not fulfil that quickly. As much as he would have liked to lie down in the nearest bed and sleep for 24 hours straight, there were more important things to do. The more so as all beds in their immediate vicinity had been victim to explosions anyway. The Avengers compound was completely destroyed, except for the school building and the Iron Legion storage rooms. All of them who had not only worked but also lived there had become homeless in one fell swoop; including Steve. And all the others, the Asgardians, Wakandans and the Guardians also needed to rest for a while before they could make their way home. Had Tony been here now, he would surely have given them all asylum in one of his country houses, or quickly bought a hotel nearby for them. But since they were denied this luxury for the moment, Steve had to think of another place where he could accommodate sixteen homeless Avengers - including a Wakandan king and a tree - on short notice. Not to mention the respective legions. 

A rising growl broke the silence and Steve instinctively lifted the remains of his shield over his head, ready to fight whatever. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Thor do the same, holding his axe storm breaker tightly. Alert, they scanned the sky for approaching danger. Behind a low hanging cloud, something emerged that seemed vaguely familiar to Steve. In the next moment a Helicarrier broke through the mist and Steve wanted to jump into the air with relief. But he reconsidered and tried to get a clear thought amidst the headaches. As far as he knew, there was only one helicarrier left from SHIELD's original fleet. And as far as he knew, this one had been transferred to private property of Nick Fury. Could it really be Fury coming to pick them up? Yes, it could. Because that was exactly what suited Fury, to appear as the great hero in a moment of need and save the day. Steve did not complain, on board the helicarrier there were showers, food and most importantly enough places to sleep for everyone. And in his ears that sounded just like the most appealing thing in the world. 

"Tell me, am I already hallucinating, or is there an actual airport flying over us right now?" Scott asked, looking confused from Steve to Thor. "I'm just asking because I think my head has taken some real damage." Clint nodded at him. "The correct designation is Helicarrier, but yes, I see it too."   
The huge airship descended until it was only a few hundred metres above them and then stopped in midair. Steve shielded his eyes with his hand against the low sun to see better, but at this distance it was impossible to tell who was in the dome at the bottom of the helicarrier and in command. Nothing happened for a while as everyone stared up spellbound. Then they saw a small quinjet lowering down. It landed a few metres away and whirled dust in their faces. Steve picked himself up and dutifully walked towards the man leaving the jet.   
"Captain Rogers?" he said, reaching out his hand to Steve. "I think you need a ride?" Steve nodded. "Fury sent you, didn't he?"  
"Do you know anyone else with a private helicarrier?" the man grinned.

It took quite a while to get everyone on board the gigantic flying object. The small quinjet, which served as a shuttle, only had seating for ten people and one of them was already occupied by the pilot. Steve, Thor and T'Challa were the last to be transported. Each of them had insisted on letting their soldiers go first and being the last to leave. They sat in the jet in silence and watched through the windscreen as the debris field beneath them shrank. The pressure change was troubling Steve's head and he wished for nothing more than to finally sleep. They gently touched down on the runway and Steve fell out of the jet rather than get out. When his legs carried him steadily again, at least the one that hadn't been wounded by Thanos sword, he followed Thor and T'Challa below deck. The place was buzzing with activity. Camp beds had been set up in all freely accessible rooms, unused space in the corridors had become canteens, and the health station had spread to several adjoining rooms. Once again, Steve was impressed by what Fury could accomplish in such a short time. He knew only a few others whose name could unlock so many doors. Tony Stark was one of them. 

Steve resisted the urge to lie down in the first available camp bed, but dragged himself down to the bridge instead. He should give Fury at least a short report before he went to sleep. As expected, he found the former SHIELD director in the middle of his control screens, from where he gave instructions.   
"Fury?", Steve said and stopped in front of the stairs leading down to him.   
"Room 295," Fury said, without turning around to him. Steve's brain worked too slowly to understand what he was trying to say. He opened his mouth, but Fury interrupted his unspoken question. "Room 295, Rogers, I won't repeat myself. You share the room with Parker and Barnes, so don't wake them when you go in." Steve's first impulse was to protest. He couldn't go to sleep now, there was so much he had to take care of. But his head pounded in agreement with Fury and Steve gave in. Instead of objecting he just said "Thank you, sir", turned on his heel and climbed up to the second deck. 

Room 295 was at the very end of the long corridor and Steve's legs made it very clear to him that they would carry him no further than this room, no matter the super serum. As Fury had said, there were three camp beds with pillows and blankets set up in the room. In one of them Peter had curled up again, from the other one Bucky's vibranium arm peeked out. Steve quietly closed the heavy door behind him and headed for the empty bed. He barely managed to take off his shoes and helmet on the way before falling into the sturdy cotton cloth. He wasn't even sure if he was still awake when his head touched the pillow. 

The next thing Steve noticed was the smell of food. It was the most delicious smell he had smelled in a long time and his empty stomach was cramping up painfully. Everything in his body was screaming at him to go and eat something right now, but Steve took the time to really wake up. He had no idea how long he had been asleep. The room they were staying in had no windows, but both Bucky and Peter had already left their beds. Steve tediously sat up. His bones still hurt, but at least the headache was history. He swung his legs out of bed stiffly and stood up wobbly. The cut in his right thigh was burning as the blood flowed back into his legs, and the deep fissure in his arm also reported back painfully. In the dim light that filled their accommodation, Steve could spot the shadows of his boots and helmet. Someone, presumably Bucky, had moved them aside. With the intention of going to the washroom, Steve laboriously slipped back into his boots and left the room. 

In the corridor the smell of food was even more intense. Steve promised his indignant stomach to visit one of the temporary canteens after the much-needed shower. But first he turned to one of the washrooms. Fury and his team had really thought of everything when they had turned the helicarrier head over heels into a sanctuary for exhausted soldiers. Stacks of towels and fresh clothes were ready in the washroom and Steve couldn't wait to get out of his sweaty, dirty and blood-stained Captain America suit. He did not dare to take a look in the mirror. He could roughly imagine what he had to look like, one lip chapped, hair greasy and the face smeared with dirt and blood, except for the parts that had been covered by his helmet. No, he really wanted to avoid this view. Groaning, Steve lifted his heavy limbs out of his suit and got into the hot shower. The water pelted down on his battered body and slowly flushed the traces of fighting down the drain. Steve allowed himself to stay in the shower a little longer than necessary until his stomach angrily reminded him of his promise. So Steve changed into fresh trousers and T-shirt, dried his hair roughly and spread out his suit over one of the long basins. He would take care of that later. For now, the mission " securing existence" had top priority. 

Finding one of the many food distributions was not difficult. All Steve had to do was to follow the seductive smell of potatoes and steak and his stomach literally dragged him in the right direction. In an alcove not far from his room were several tables set up where the soldiers sat, mixed and matched, strengthening themselves. Steve almost became a bit nostalgic as he inevitably felt reminded of his comrades in World War II. There had always been a loud and cheerful atmosphere among them during meals.   
Steve filled up three plates full of potatoes, vegetables and meat, which he carefully balanced to a free seat. He let himself fall between Okoye and Rocket, which lifted the latter a good bit off the flexible wooden bench.   
"Dude! I know you're a big guy, great hero and all, but that doesn't mean you have the right to treat the bench like that." Rocket complained and picked up his fork again.   
"Sorry" Steve muttered between two bites of potatoes. Rocket rolled his eyes and skewered a piece of sausage, pointing accusingly at Steve. "You know, it's been an honour fighting alongside you, Cap, really. But to be honest, I can't wait to take off again later. Quill's just getting the bird all ready to go, and then we're out of here." He shoved the sausage in his mouth and added "But I'm really going to miss your food" Steve pulled his second plate towards him and left Rocket's words uncommented.

The ensuing silence at the table was unexpectedly interrupted by Bruce, who took a seat opposite them, thus claiming the entire other bench for himself. "I envy you Steve. This morning you appeared like the last man on earth and just one shower later you look like a young god again. Steve choked on his vegetables with that unexpected compliment.   
"Thanks?!" he coughed. "But honestly, I feel like I'm at least 105." Bruce smiled at him. "Glad to see you haven't lost your sense of humour." Then he got serious. "Listen, I know there must be a thousand things you'd rather be thinking about right now, but we need to talk about the future of the Avengers." Bruce was right. There were a thousand things Steve would rather think about right now. But he agreed that the destruction of their headquarters was an urgent problem that demanded a quick solution.   
Steve spent unnecessarily long chewing on a carrot before answering Bruce: "Well I think we can agree that we need to build a new base. Most of the data and blueprints should be backed up in the Stark Cloud, and I'm sure that funding will not be a problem either...". Steve took another bite of vegetables and spent time gathering his thoughts and steering them away from Tony before continuing. "As for temporary accommodation, however, I haven't really thought about it yet. I don't think it will be easy to find a place where we can all live and work without bothering anyone".  
"I can think of one," Okoye said unexpectedly and Steve and Bruce turned to her in surprise.


	6. Uniting

Lost in thought, Tony stared out of the large glass window at the Wakandan mountains behind which the sun was rising once again. It had already been an impressive sight yesterday. Over 48 hours had passed since Steve and Strange had brought him here. Since then he had been locked up in the laboratory as a bodiless shadow, with no one but himself as company. He hadn't even seen many Wakandans. Shuri had returned last night to safely store the cryocapsule that contained his body. After that, he had not even been able to pass the time looking at himself. It was boring. Beyond boring. And the fact that he had no idea how long he would have to endure in this intermediate state made it even worse. How long would it take Strange to find the right spell? Were a few days enough? Tony hoped so. 

A movement outside the window caught Tony's attention. A massive airship had appeared in front of the sun and was approaching the airport of the golden city, that Tony could see in far distance below him. He was just wondering whether there was enough space down there for this enormous aircraft, as it was itself equipped with two complete runways, when he realised what he was actually looking at. So far, Tony had only seen a few comparable flying objects in his life, and these had been the helicarriers of SHIELD.   
"Fury, you son of a gun" slipped it out of Tony and he leapt up enthusiastically from the table on which he had been sitting. He moved closer to the glass to see as much as possible of what was going on below. However, from the 17th floor he was on, it was difficult to see more than the helicarrier itself. Tony sighed. He would have liked to go down to see if it was really Nick Fury who was visiting Wakanda's capital. But Tony still couldn't touch anything in his environment which made it impossible for him to open a door. He had no choice but to wait here in his cell and to hope that one of the new arrivals would come to visit him. Tony sat down on the table again, his eyes fixed on the door and crossed his arms. "No problem, Fury, take your time. I had nothing else to do today anyway." 

Tony had lost all track of time. Maybe it took only ten minutes, maybe he had spent two hours sitting on the table before the door finally opened and four familiar faces entered the room. A smile spread across his face as he saw Fury, Bruce, Shuri and Steve coming in. "It's about time. Do you know how long I've been waiting here? You could have at least sent a postcard or something from New York," Tony said and curiously watched the reactions on their faces. Fury and Steve talked to each other intensely, Shuri booted up her computer systems and Bruce resolutely turned away from Tony. The smile on Tony's face froze and his eyes narrowed. That was not quite the reaction he had hoped for. 

He slid down from the table and walked towards the group until he was right in front of Bruce. He reached his transparent arm right through the middle of the other man's chest, just to check once more that nothing had changed in his physical condition. Bruce didn't even bat an eyelash.   
" test sequence on ghostly existence, test 1a ... positive" Tony said to himself and pulled his arm out of Bruce again. He turned to Shuri, who had just made the wall panel behind them open to reveal Tony's cryocapsule.   
"I suppose even you can't tell me what kind of transitional state I'm in here, Little Miss Brain?" Shuri walked straight through him, making Tony flinch in surprise, but physically he felt nothing of it.   
"Test 1b... equally positive" he murmured, and made a mental note. 

He walked towards Fury, who was still talking to Steve, and stepped right between the two. They continued their conversation unperturbed, just as Tony had expected.   
"I'm sorry Fury, but I've always wanted to do that" He reached back, and pretended to punch Fury in the face. Three times. Fury didn't even blink. Test 2a was therefore positive as well. None of those present could see him. Tony sighed in frustration. Did he have any way at all to get their attention?

Only when Steve mentioned his name did Tony notice that they were talking about him. "... and Tony now seems to be stuck somewhere between this world and the next. Stephen Strange is trying to find out why and how we can get him back, but until then we had to freeze him so his body wouldn't get damaged even more". Tony wasn't sure if the others heard it too, but he knew Steve well enough to notice the bitter undertone in his voice. He turned around and, as he was still standing between Steve and Fury, he was suddenly only inches away from Steve's face. Tony glanced at the cut on his eyebrow, his healing lower lip and the pale rings under his eyes before taking a step back. Although Steve couldn't see him, he didn't want to just barge into his personal space without asking. But even at a distance Tony could not overlook the tension that Steve tried so carefully to hide under the Captain America expression. But he wasn't sure if anyone else had noticed it. 

"When you said he doesn't look good, I didn't imagine... this" Fury said to Steve, sounding both interested and disgusted. He leaned over the cryocapsule and examined Tony's disfigured right side.   
" And this coming from someone running around like a cheap pirate with an eye patch," Tony protested unheard. "I know myself that I look like shit, thanks. Can we talk about something else now?"  
Bruce raised his own arm, scarred by the Infinity stones. "I can try to get the damaged tissue to regenerate. I just need a lab and some time."  
"Finally, someone who presents solutions instead of complaining. Well done, Dr Banner, you're getting extra rations tonight" Tony commented.  
Shuri nodded at Bruce. "I'm sure we can find a place where you can do your research."  
"But first we have to make sure that we get the stones out of here. Apart from the fact that I promised the Sorceress Supreme in 2012's New York, I am also uncomfortable with the thought that all six are here together in one place." Bruce continued.  
"He has a point," Tony said. "I'd hate to have another big slimy alien here. They'd probably cut off my hand this time just to get to the stones."

"We can try to separate the stones from Tony's armour, but to do that we have to get him out of the cryocapsule," Shuri began, but Steve interrupted her immediately. " Absolutely not! We still have a chance to bring him back. Under no circumstances will we unfreeze him before Strange has cast his spells." Tony examined Steve, who crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked at Shuri seriously. She pondered briefly before she went on. "Maybe there's a way to get him out, remove the stones and then put him back in the capsule without thawing him. A while ago, we were researching a substance that shifts the freezing point of water upwards. This would allow us to work at approximately room temperature without changing his body temperature". Tony nodded approvingly. It sounded like a good plan to his ears, although he wasn't sure how much of the plan had reached Steve. A small worry line had formed between his eyebrows, but he seemed to agree.  
"Well, then everything's settled," Fury said, turning away from the cryocapsule. "Rogers, I expect your report in a week. Just send it to the old address" and he left the room before Steve had a chance to object. 

After Shuri had safely put the capsule with Tony's body back behind the protective wall, she raised her voice again. "Bruce, I think lab four is currently vacant, you could set up there. It has just been renovated and refurnished. And it's not far from your quarters either." Bruce gratefully accepted the offer and the two of them set off with Steve in tow. A sudden thought crossed Tony's mind. When they left the room he could slip through the open door with them. He had already spent far too much time here and was grateful for any change of scenery. So he hurried to catch up with the others in order to not miss this opportunity. He squeezed himself through the door frame in between Bruce and Steve and for the first time he was glad to have no body. He was sure he would have touched Steve inappropriately more than once during this move. 

The hallway seemed to stretch endlessly ahead of them and was brightly lit by white neon tubes embedded in the dark walls. It was not that spectacular, but still a welcome change from the room Tony had been staying in for the last two days. They turned and went into a glass lift and again Tony scurried through between his companions to avoid being held up by the closing door. As a matter of course, Tony followed Steve, even when he took a different path than Bruce and Shuri. He was very curious about Bruce's laboratory and particularly his research, especially since he and his arm could benefit from it themselves, but he knew Steve and his leadership complex well enough to know that he would lead him directly to the other Avengers. And he was not disappointed. 

Steve walked into a large open room, which actually resembled their old base a bit, and Tony's eyes fell on Scott first, who was pressing an ice bag against his head. Tony couldn't help but grin as he looked around the room. No matter how much it annoyed him to wander in this parallel world, the fact that they all sat here alive had been worth it a hundred times over. Rhodey stood in the middle of the room and had turned to Steve in expectation when they had entered. Clint sat on a chair by the window and stared into the distance, Scott's wasp friend Hope lay stretched out on the sofa, randomly browsing through the TV programmes, and Carol and Peter fought a fiery but silent connect four duel. In the fitted kitchen at the other end of the room, stood Wanda and Bucky, preparing what looked like a sumptuous breakfast. Only now did Tony notice how few they were. They were barely more than they had been after the disastrous first snap of Thanos.   
"Please tell me these aren't all the survivors, but the others have already taken off while you were on your way here," Tony said to Steve with a hint of desperation, forgetting for a moment that he would not get an answer. Worried, Tony let himself fall into one of the free armchairs, grateful that he could at least do that and didn't fall straight through the seat.

"Quill just sent a message; they and Thor landed in New Asgard this morning," Rhodey said as he and Steve sat down at the empty table to evaluate the situation. "Thor apparently has something to finish up there and then they'll all head back into space," Steve nodded and Tony exhaled with relief. Thor and Quill were all right, but he could only guess who else was on board their spaceship. He hoped very much that Nebula had made it.  
"How are you?" Rhodey asked seriously and lowered his voice so the rest of the Avengers could no longer hear him. Tony, however, pricked up his ears attentively.  
" All good" replied Steve and Rhodey and Tony raised their eyebrows in unison. Rhodey uttered what Tony thought: "And for real?"   
Steve sighed and took his time to answer. " It's okay. Most of all I'm glad that we can stay here and don't have to worry about a base for the time being. I think here everyone has the time and peace they need to recover from the battle".   
Rhodey assessed him with a stern look. "If I want to know how the team is doing, I ask the team. I asked you, Steve." Steve lowered his eyes and suddenly all the warning lights in Tony's brain started flashing. There was something crucial he hadn't picked up on yet. 

"Wanda gave me his wings earlier... she picked them up from the infirmary before we departed... but I don't know what to do with them." Steve kept his eyes fixed on the tabletop. And Tony kept his eyes fixed on Steve. It took him a few seconds to get a sense of what he was saying. They talked about Sam...  
"Hold them in honor," Rhodey suggested. "Maybe they can be fixed and you can use them some day."   
Steve exhaled audibly " Yes... I'm sure Tony could..." but he dropped his sentence. A short pause followed in which neither of them said anything and Tony looked shocked from one to the other. Sam?!

Then suddenly the words gushed out of Steve and he wasn't talking about Sam. "You know, I've kind of gotten used to Tony always being around, always having a solution for everything... and now he needs our help and we're poking around in the dark. None of us know what we' re doing really, and if we mess it up, then... I can't lose another friend, Rhodey. I know I should have some practice at this by now, but it doesn't work like that. If he doesn't come back, if he... dies... I can't do this, Rhodey. Not again."   
Tony hadn't noticed that he had got up, but his legs carried him over to Steve on their own. It hurt like hell to see Steve suffer so unconcealed, but he didn't know what to do. He just hoped that Steve could somehow feel his presence, that it would somehow calm him down. Because he simply couldn't do more, even though he wanted to.


	7. Conveying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's about to continue [eye emoji]

The sunset flooded the common room with orange-golden light through the large glass panels. Most of the Avengers who currently lived in Wakanda were gathered in the spacious room. Clint was sitting in his favourite armchair again, his mobile phone at his ear and talking to his family, Scott and Hope had withdrawn to a corner and were chatting quietly. Bucky lay stretched out over the largest sofa and changed the TV channel every ten seconds, which got on the nerves of Rhodey, who just wanted to read something in peace. Steve once again stood at the window with his arms folded and seemed to be brooding about something, Wanda had left the building for a walk and Peter had managed to get hold of a laptop. He sat at the dining table and wrote a long e-mail to his aunt. No one knew where Carol was.

Tony stepped behind Peter unnoticed and read the lines he was typing for Aunt May. The e-mail was very long. Primarily he apologised for not being home yet. Tony didn't know if May had also been affected by Thanos Snap, or if Peter was trying to apologise for five years of disappearance in an e-mail. He was pretty sure he needed to come up with a better excuse for that. More than once, Tony's name was also mentioned. Peter wrote about his field trip that ended surprisingly on Titan, the first fight against Thanos, his encounter with Dr. Strange after Bruce had brought them both back with the second snap and the final fight against Thanos and his army from the past. And Peter wrote about Tony's death. He kept everything as simple and innocuous as possible and left out most of the gory details. But the speed at which he put all this on virtual paper showed Tony clearly that the boy had a need to talk. A genuine need to talk with someone who understood the terms and knew what a burden being a hero could be. Someone who was like a father to him. Tony's insides tightened painfully. It would actually had been his responsibility to grab a chair, sit down next to Peter and talk to him about everything that had happened. But unfortunately his body was lying in a closet three floors above them at -200°C and he was physically unable to talk to anyone but himself. It was already bad enough that he couldn't support his own daughter, but he had come to terms with the fact that she and Pepper were safe back at their house. Peter, however, was here, and he obviously had a lot on his mind.

"Hey Queens, you all right?" That was Steve. He sat down on the empty chair next to Peter and looked at him with concern. Peter winced somewhat surprised, he hadn't heard Steve approaching any more than Tony had.   
"Mr Rogers?! Yes, I'm... I'm just writing this email to Aunt May. I'm sure she's worried about where I am. I mean, she knows I'm Spider-Man, but she has no idea what that means. She thinks I'm chasing bicycle thieves in the neighbourhood. But there' s so much that's happened that I just can't tell her."  
"Maybe you can tell me," Steve offered. Between his eyebrows, the worry line that Tony knew all too well was already beginning to show. For some reason, it was almost always there when Steve spoke to him.   
Peter hesitated, then took a deep breath and started talking. He told Steve everything, starting with the moment Mr. Stark had suddenly been standing in his flat, and how a dream had come true for Peter, about the fight at the airport in Germany and how disappointed he had been that Mr. Stark had not let him join the Avengers. Peter told how he had got his first real Spider-Man suit from Mr. Stark, and how Mr. Stark had told him to just stay the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. He also told how he and Mr. Stark had got on this circular spaceship to rescue Dr. Strange, and how he had been officially made a member of the Avengers' team by Mr. Stark and received his Iron Spider suit. Peter told everything about the battle on Titan, where he had fought side by side with Mr Stark against Thanos, and how he had suddenly woken up all alone. And he told about the last great battle, about his trip through Mr. Strange's magic portal, how he had had Mr. Stark's back and had protected the gauntlet with the infinity stones for him. And eventually he told how he had felt when he had seen Mr. Stark lying motionless on the ground.  
Steve had always been a good listener. He nodded in all the right places, asked the right questions when it was appropriate and encouraged Peter to keep talking when he struggled because the emotions overwhelmed him. Tony also listened to Peter's words intently from the opposite side of the table. 

When he had ended, Peter took a few deep breaths. A huge knot in his chest seemed to have loosened. But then he said "I know you want to bring him back, it's just ... I'm afraid you might fail." He just whispered the last sentence. Steve looked down at the floor.   
"So do I. To be honest, there hasn't been much in my life that I've been so afraid of. But the more I think about it, the more I realise that this is actually a good thing. It unmistakably reveals what is so important to us that we don't want to lose it under any circumstances."   
Peter looked at Steve with big eyes. "I've never thought of it that way before."   
Steve shrugged. "I had a lot of time to think about fear. And the fact that we are both sitting here now, fearing for his life, only shows what a wonderful person Tony Stark is."   
Tony stared alternately at Steve and Peter and felt a comforting warmth involuntarily spreading in his chest. He had known that Peter admired him, everyone had known that. He had also known that Steve had grown to appreciate him again as a colleague and friend after their clash in Germany. Something that was mutual, by the way, but he hadn't known how deeply these feelings went. Probably the two had not even been aware of it themselves until they had been confronted with the possibility of his death. 

"Thank you for listening, Mr Rogers," Peter said, rising from his chair. The sun outside the window had long since set and they were the last ones in the room.   
"Any time" Steve replied, smiling peptively at Peter. Peter shyly lifted the corners of his mouth and left the room.   
"Hey Queens?!" Steve called after him as he almost reached the door and Peter turned around again. "Yes, Mr Rogers?"  
"Sleep tight"

After Peter's voice had filled the room for the last three hours, it was suddenly strangely quiet after he had left. Steve remained seated in his chair, staring straight ahead, lost in thought. Tony was very interested in what he was thinking about, but two deep insights into the emotional world of Steve Rogers in such a short time was probably too much to ask for. He would most likely go to bed soon anyway and Tony would brood all night alone again. He sighed and pushed his chair back from the table to get up. 

Steve's head spun around to him so quickly that Tony was sure he must have twisted at least two of his vertebrae in the process. But he had heard it too. The chair he was sitting on had made a squeaking sound when he had pushed it back. A real audible noise that Steve had heard as well. Not to mention the fact that the chair had moved a few inches, even though Tony's series of tests had flawlessly proven that he could not affect anything in the physical world. Tony tried to move the chair again, but this time it remained firmly fixed to the floor and made no sound at all. But Tony was sure that he had not imagined it. And Steve's confused expression confirmed it. Besides, he was still staring right in his direction, although he couldn't know where Tony was. For a while Steve looked at Tony without being able to see him, then he rubbed one hand over his eyes tiredly and stood up. He turned off the lights in the room and stepped through the glass door out into the hallway, on his way to his own flat. Tony was once again left in the dark accompanied by his very confused thoughts.

Bucky was the first to enter the Avengers Room the next morning. Tony watched, stretched out lengthwise on the couch, as he began to make breakfast in the kitchen again. Wanda had apparently abducted him into the world of cooking and Bucky seemed to be taking an increased liking to it. The smell of scrambled eggs and bacon spread throughout the room and Tony's stomach began contracting painfully. His ghostly existence had renounced all earthly needs, he was not hungry or thirsty, he didn't get tired and he didn't need to go to the toilet. But he missed eating and even sleeping a little. He had never been someone who had slept much, but now he was alone with himself and his thoughts all night long and could not even work on a project to distract himself from it. These were very, very long nights for him.  
The smell of food gradually lured the other Avengers out of their beds and soon everyone had gathered around the big dining table again. Tony remained on the sofa while the others ate. Basically, he could stay here all day if he wanted to. He wouldn't bother anyone as they could neither see nor feel him. It would only be strange to him if someone decided to sit on the apparently free sofa. But Tony could worry about that when the time came. And as everyone was busy with breakfast for the moment, he stayed lying there and listened to the few snippets of conversation that were carried over to him.

The quiet clatter of the cutlery was abruptly interrupted by a new voice. "Steve, we are ready now. In theory, we can start whenever" Tony rose up and looked over the back of the sofa to the large glass door next to the dining table. Shuri had stuck her head in the room and looked at Steve, who had jumped up immediately. The others looked at him baffled as he vanished through the door without a word. Only when Bruce also rose to follow him and Shuri did Tony realise that it had to be about his body. As fast as he could, he picked himself up from the sofa, almost falling over the coffee table, and sprinted towards the door, but he wasn't fast enough. The door slammed shut behind Bruce and Tony managed to stop just in time to avoid crashing into it.   
"Shit!" he cursed loudly and slammed his fist against the door. If he were in his body, the glass door would be history now. But his body was still in the freezer and was about to be prepared for an experimental and innovative and therefore admittedly highly interesting surgery. And he wouldn't see any of it because he was not able to open doors. He glanced at the rest of the team. They all still had stuffed plates in front of them and none of them seemed to be getting up and opening this door any time soon. Frustrated, Tony leaned against the glass and saw Bruce disappear around a corner at the end of the corridor. What would he give to just fall through that door now. And he fell through that door.


	8. Innovating

One moment later, he lay on the floor and stared in bewilderment from the other side through the glass door he had just punched. He had no idea how this had happened, but he would have plenty of time to worry about it later. He jumped back to his feet and ran down the corridor in the direction where Bruce, Steve and Shuri had disappeared. He caught up with them again at the lift and this time he made it through the door in time. "A bit more warning in advance would be nice next time" he gasped and pressed his hands to his sides. "It's sweet of you all to be so concerned about me and want to get straight down to business, but I'd like to be present for my own surgery."  
As Tony tried to catch his breath, he listened to Shuri, who explained the exact plan to Bruce and especially to Steve. "We've tinkered a bit with the connections of the cryo capsule and can now feed the gas mixture directly in to Tony. The atoms will surround him like a protective layer and prevent the ice from thawing when we take him out. We remove the stones with a team of high precision engineers, while our best scientists and physicians monitor all status values. The whole process should not take more than four hours, and after that we will put him back into the capsule and create a vacuum inside again, which will remove the protective molecular layer". Shuri beamed at Steve, who pressed his jaws tightly together and did not answer.

The lift took them to the 17th floor, where they did not go into the room Tony already knew from his arrival, but turned to another room. Suddenly, Tony found himself in the middle of an operating theatre, whose equipment put even his own workshop, including Friday, to shame. While Shuri introduced Steve to the various scientists and physicians who were to accompany and monitor the operation, Tony looked around the impressive room.   
It was as if they had prepared it just for this procedure, and that was probably true. But Tony could not yet make a proper connection between all the different elements. Above all, there were lots of holographic monitors and at least four times as many cables. Tony felt himself getting nervous. Gradually he realised how much depended on this surgery. If they could not remove the stones, the energy would continue to consume his body. The ice could stop this process temporarily, but he couldn't stay in the freezer forever after all. But if they accidentally thawed him out without following the usual procedure, it would damage his tissues and potentially cause permanent damage to his brain. And Tony did not want to renounce his brain. Panic began to rise in him and he forced himself to breathe calmly. Shuri had worked out the plan and Shuri was not dumb. It would work for sure.

One of the physicists carefully pushed the cryo capsule with Tony's body through the door. " Excellent timing. I was just wondering how you're going to wire me up without breaking the sealing," Tony said, looking interrogatively at the group of scientists. He got no answer. "Yes, that''s what I thought. I'd declare the experiment a failure at this point, you can all go home now" He didn't know why he was saying that, but he realised how the unpleasant feeling of panic kept creeping up his spine and had decided not to give it a chance. Apart from that, he could finally be as cynical and sarcastic as he wanted to be, since nobody could hear him anyway and therefore nobody could reprimand him. 

Steve stood there with his arms folded, while Shuri explained everything to him once more, as precisely and yet simply as possible. Everything about his posture signalled rejection and pure aversion to the plan to get Tony out of the capsule. But he too knew that they had to get rid of the stones sooner rather than later.   
"We'll attach the nano cables to him in a moment, they'll monitor every possible change in his body. If anything doesn't go according to plan or if it just looks strange, we stop immediately. Promised" Shuri said to Steve again, even though she had assured him of that four times before. Steve had the worry about Tony written all over his face so clearly that it was almost uncomfortable for Tony to look at him. So instead, he moved closer to the cryo capsule to not miss a second of what was about to happen. Steve nodded and the scientists and Shuri began with their work. 

"Nano technology," Tony exclaimed excitedly, thus answering the question himself that he had just asked. He watched as a man in a white lab coat plugged a large cable into one of the ports of the cryocapsule, causing new smaller cables to magically form out of the capsule's headboard. They connected to electrodes that were just emerging and covered his entire ice-cold body. Tony had some experience with nano technology, but for him this was a completely new way of using it. Apparently the scientists controlled the nano particles from outside the capsule via their brain currents. Tony's most recent Iron Man armour or the remote control of the Iron Legion worked in a similar way and he was thrilled to see how well it performed here too. Within a few seconds, all the readings had appeared on the large hologram monitors and transmitted various temperatures, the oxygen content of the air, electron charges and voltages in real time. And Tony had to admit that he was already impressed. 

Bruce stood next to Steve and watched with equal fascination what was happening in front of his eyes. He had now replaced Shuri in her role as Steve Rogers interpreter. "All cables are now connected where they are supposed to be. Now they are feeding the gas mixture into his capsule." His last words were lost in a loud hiss as Shuri opened a valve on the capsule. The said gas was apparently colourless, but Tony could hear it rushing from the container at Shuri's feet through the tube into the glass container. Contact with his body seemed to trigger a chemical reaction. Tony had to get closer to the cryo-capsule to really see the change, but he believed he could see a pale blue layer wrapping around him. As it enveloped him from head to toe, Shuri turned off the gas supply. Bruce commented, "Do you see how the atoms are lying on him like a shield? Now they can break the vacuum and safely take him out of the capsule."   
" You hope so," Tony corrected, "I admit it looks promising so far, but none of you know if this will actually work." Steve seemed to think something similar because his mouth became narrow as he clenched his jaws even tighter.

Another hiss made Tony turn around again. Shuri had opened the valve again and was now slowly feeding ambient air into the capsule until the oxygen levels inside the capsule matched those outside.   
"Let's get on with it," said Tony, rubbing his hands tensely. But the unpleasant feeling now moved inexorably to the foreground. If it didn't work and his body began to thaw, they would have to abort the operation and the infinity stones could continue to devour him unhindered. Either that, or they would remove the stones anyway and let him thaw, with unknown consequences for his existence. Neither of these two options seemed really appealing to Tony. To be honest, and he could hardly admit it to himself, he was absolutely terrified of what would happen if things didn't go as planned. 

As the capsule opened with a soft click at the push of a button, Tony actually squeezed his eyes shut briefly before his head, like the heads of everyone present, flew over to the screen. For a few agonising seconds, they stared intently at the temperature displays. Then Bruce spoke out what they all thought: "It works..." He sounded as gobsmacked as Tony felt, and when the scientists around Shuri burst into cheering a second later, Tony actually got weak knees. Only now, as relief flooded through him, did he realise how tense he had actually been. He looked at the screen once more. All temperatures were still exactly at -200°C. Excited, Tony turned to Steve, eager to see how he would react to the success. He hadn't spoken a word, but he had closed his eyes and put his head back as if to thank someone in heaven for this miracle of science. 

"Okay, we can move him then," Shuri said, and immediately four scientists set about carrying the plate with Tony's body on it to the centre of the room. They shoved it through a hatch into the large sturdy glass box that covered almost a quarter of the room. After the box was closed and apparently sealed three times, the engineers, who had previously stood somewhat uninvolved in another corner of the room, approached. Tony believed he had seen the shorter one of them at MIT before. From the attachment above the glass case, which looked like an oversized, state-of-the-art extractor bonnet, light flared up and illuminated Tony's body in clinical white. He stepped closer to look at the displays that had appeared on the outside wall of the box. One of the engineers had taken control of the programme, the other two positioned themselves on either side of Tony. They both put on thick gloves that reached above the elbow before lowering their arms into specially designed recesses in the glass walls. The gloves ended where the glass began and therefore sealed the last remaining accesses to the inside. Tony's body was now completely separated from the surroundings again.   
"The gloves protect them from gamma radiation," Bruce explained behind Tony, "and because we wanted to be on the safe side, also from UV radiation, radio waves and all other electromagnetic waves in the spectrum."

Holographic tools materialised in the gloved hands of the engineers, which Tony watched with fascination. He used a very similar technique in his workshop when he designed armour and wanted to try on parts of it before he actually built them. It was extremely interesting to see the different ways in which the same technique could be used. How many other ways were there that none of them had ever thought of? Bruce live commentary jumped on again: "They use tools that have an energy signature similar to that of the stones themselves. We hope they will accept this better than ordinary tools and will be easier to remove with them".   
"That's amazingly clever" slipped it out of Tony, and he was once again glad that nobody could hear him. He hadn't even thought of the option that the stones could destroy commercial tools as they had destroyed his armour. Of course, holographic tools could be destroyed as well, but as Bruce had said, the probability was at least a little less. 

"System initialised", said the engineer who was standing to the right of Tony's body. "We'll start with the yellow stone" It became very quiet in the room as everyone followed in suspense the happenings in the glass box in their midst. The engineers lowered their tools. One of them placed what looked like a screwdriver of light on the edge between the mind stone and the Iron Man suit. The other one held open a pair of holographic pliers just above it, ready to receive the detached stone. Tony thought that this time even Steve had figured out what the plan was, even without Bruce's comment: "Dr. Wuang tries to pry the stone out of the suit, and Dr. Madden collects it as soon as it is separated from the suit".   
The engineer named Dr. Wuang looked at her colleague at the control monitor and did what Bruce had said. Slowly and with what appeared to be great effort, she broke the yellow stone from its mount. The stone seemed to be extremely reluctant to leave its place and Dr. Wuang had to use both hands to apply enough leverage with the tool. Tony watched intently as the stone lost contact with his hand millimetre by millimetre. At the moment when it seemed to finally loosen completely, a bright yellow flash burst out of it and blinded Tony for a few seconds. It was like it had been on the battlefield before and he expected the searing heat and excruciating pain. But if the flash of light had triggered anything like that, it had remained inside the glass box as planned. 

"Strong positive spike on the gamma chart," Shuri said, looking at the monitors in front of her, on which numbers were changing at a rapid pace. "Current values now below the initial values. Radiation levels are decreasing." As Tony heard Steve exhale in relief behind him, he felt the remaining tension release from him as well. The engineer Dr. Madden was just stowing the mind stone in a containment vessel and the gamma radiation that devoured Tony's body had just decreased a little. Tony didn't want to count the chickens before they hatch, but right now it seemed as if everything was really going well. No matter what else would happen to him and his body, he wouldn't die of gamma radiation.


	9. Moving

Slowly Steve loosened his folded posture. He had not noticed how he had nervously clawed his fingernails into his own flesh, but he had left several red marks on his upper arms. As he watched the scientists put Tony's body back into the cryocapsule, he slowly moved his fingers to get his blood to circulate properly again.   
It was done.   
For the last four hours, he had watched with folded arms as they had removed the infinity stones one by one from Tony's suit. Or had it been six hours? He had lost all sense of time over the constant fear of eventually losing Tony and the alternation of tension and relaxation in the face of unexpected incidents. But it was done. Shuri just restored a vacuum in the cryo capsule, which, according to her, also removed the mysterious chemical shield. As far as he knew, Tony owed his life to this shield and Steve didn't even know what to name it. 

He stood indecisively at one side of the room where the scientists once again looked at the data, talked shop about the operation and congratulated each other. Steve would have loved to thank each of them in person. But he hadn't felt so out of place since he himself had thawed out of the ice. So he left the room without saying anything and followed Shuri, who pushed the large glass tube containing Tony again back into the designated room. She was just about to put the capsule back with the others behind the moveable wall when Steve found his voice again: "Wait, can you leave him out here for a while?". Shuri turned to him in mild surprise.  
"Sure, if you want." Steve nodded. " I just need a moment." She gave him a slight smile that Steve could not quite read. Then she left the room and closed the door behind her.

Steve approached the capsule. Everything inside him balked as he got closer to the glass and was able to see the ice crystals on the inside and literally felt the cold that emanated from it. But he forced himself to look past the ice and only at Tony. He still looked exactly as he did four days ago when Steve brought his lifeless body here. But the odd glow that had surrounded Tony's right arm had disappeared. The infinity stones were no longer constantly pumping energy he couldn't process into his body. If now Strange could figure out how to get him back for good, everything would turn out fine. Steve had to sit down on one of the nearby office chairs as he thought about it. It had been barely four days since he had been kneeling on a debris field in Upstate New York and had collapsed unexpectedly hard over the loss of his friend. Many things had crossed his mind at that moment; none of them he liked to remember. It felt good to just sit here and revel in the feeling of hope that the successful operation had entailed. For a brief moment Steve was genuinely convinced that things were going to get better now and that this breakthrough would be followed by others. But then he remembered all the unpleasant and difficult things he had to take care of. His team was homeless, Pepper, Sam and the many other fallen deserved a proper farewell ceremony and the world was waiting to hear statements from the heroes who had saved the universe. 

Steve sighed and looked over to Tony again. In fact, _he_ was the hero who had saved the universe. Steve had no right to get in front of a camera and say anything else. And even if that was expected of him, he would at least have liked having Tony by his side for that. No matter how much he had initially resisted, now, at this moment, he wished to have Tony back as co-leader of the team. Leading the team together had made things so much easier and had taught Steve to delegate responsibility at times. But now everything was back on his shoulders and Steve didn't know how to fix all this on his own. Tony might be an arrogant, self-centred narcissist, but he had had Steve's back whenever he could. 

Steve jumped out of his thoughts when something crashed behind him. Reflexively, he raised his left arm for protection, forgetting for a moment that there was no Vibranium shield attached to it. But he could see no danger. A few metres away from him laid a clipboard on the floor, which had apparently slipped off the nearby table. A breeze or something similar must have caught it and blown it down. Steve briefly looked for an open window, but found none. Perhaps it had simply lost its grip without any help. Steve frowned and brushed across the bandage on his left forearm. The quick pulling up of his arm had not helped the healing wound there. Although they had taken thorough care of his injuries on board the helicarrier, not even his serum-enhanced body was able to heal such a deep cut that quickly. It would probably go faster if he rested, but he had neither the patience nor the time for that. 

Steve got up from the chair and looked at Tony one more time. There was nothing he could do for him here, but his mere presence seemed to have a calming effect on Steve. Something he could use right now. But there were duties waiting for him that he couldn't put off any longer, even if he would have liked to sit here for a few more hours. He picked up the clipboard from the floor, put it back on the table and left the room heading for the Avengers' quarters. In the corridor he met Shuri, who he nodded to briefly, allowing her to put Tony's cryo capsule back in place. 

Steve's thoughts drifted to Sam as he walked down the hall and entered the lift. Sam, who had been his first friend in the new age. Sam, who had returned to duty only for him. Who had gone back up into the air on behalf of the Avengers and who had stood by Steve unconditionally even when Tony had not. Steve suddenly felt as if the air around him had become very thick. Even though he was all alone in the spacious lift, he suddenly found it hard to breathe and felt like he was being constricted.   
As the doors opened, he stumbled out and took a few deep breaths that helped him regain control. He was already familiar with this. Five years ago he had been facing the grief for friends and colleagues who had vanished from this earth unjustly and far too early. Not to mention the grief for friends from the forties, which was still his constant companion. Yes, Steve knew all about grief. But that did not make it any more bearable.

Seine Beine trugen ihn wie von selbst in den Gemeinschaftsraum der Avengers. Das Frühstück, welches Steve vorhin so übereilt verlassen hatte, war verschwunden, doch der Tisch war nicht leer. Als er näher trat, erkannte Steve auf dem Blatt Papier, das vor ihm lag, die winzige feine Handschrift von Clint.

_Steve,_   
_Fury got me a jet. I'm flying back home to my family. I would have said goodbye in person, but you were busy._   
_Give my regards to Tony when he wakes up._   
_Let me know if anything comes up._   
_Clint_

Steve crumpled the paper in his fist. Everything about this letter seemed wrong to him. And even though he knew he couldn't blame Clint, he felt a little anger rising inside him. How was he supposed to give Tony his regards when he was still trapped in the ice for an unspecified period of time? How did Clint imagine this to happen? In his letter it sounded as if Tony was just taking a nap. Yet he was still on the verge of death, helpless and weak. He was probably going through hell and Steve was supposed to give him some banal regards as soon as he made it through? If Tony should really open his eyes again, then they had quite different problems. And what was the point of "let me know if anything comes up" anyway? There was a whole bunch of stuff coming up. A giant mountain of tasks and work, which seemed to bury Steve beneath it more and more with every passing second. And if he called Clint now telling him that he had to arrange a funeral for Sam, Pepper and 51 Wakander and needed his help, Clint would certainly not turn his jet around and come back. Clint was on his way back to his family and a time-out that he, like everyone else, had more than earned. But Steve had no home anymore and no family to come back to. He was stuck here. And he could think of better things than arranging a funeral for his best friend. 

As quickly as the anger in him had been boiling up, as quickly it vanished again when he thought of Sam. Steve felt the pain of loss rise up again, but he had become a master at turning unpleasant feelings into action. Sam and Pepper would get the best funeral ever held here. They would give them a proper farewell, no matter the cost. And Steve would do the planning on his own, he owed it to them. Determined, Steve turned around and walked over to his private flat. There were a whole range of preparations to be made, so he should best start right away. 

The private retreat that T'Challa had provided him and every other Avenger seeking asylum was located in the same corridor as the common room. It was not comparable to the rooms they had occupied at the Avengers compound, but the flats did not need to hide from Stark-architecture. Steve entered his generous living room and sat down on the chair in front of the desk. It had been ensured that they lacked for nothing here and they were provided with laptops and mobile phones and all kinds of technical gadgets from their own production. Peter was more than happy to take advantage of every single function of his new Smartwatch from Advanced Vibranium Technology, but Steve was content with the basic equipment. The laptop he opened was a standard model and even that sometimes managed to surprise Steve. But he had improved. The eleven years he had been living in the modern world of the 21st century had undoubtedly left their mark. In both a positive and negative way.   
He stared at the empty document in front of him and did not exactly know what he actually wanted to write down. So many thoughts were running through his head at the same time. Things he knew Sam would have cared about, ideas he thought Pepper would have liked, and concepts based on the traditions of Wakandan. Where should he start?

It took Steve some time to write everything down. And until he had more or less structured it, more hours passed. He leaned back and looked out of the big window at the other end of the room for a while. The sun, which had shone golden through this morning, had now moved further south. From up here he could see it reflected in the glass facades of the city below.   
Something distracted Steve and he turned his head further to the right towards the large corner sofa. On the glass table in front of it was his note- and sketchbook, along with a pencil. Only that the pencil was no longer on the table. It had dropped to the floor with a clattering sound and had thus caught Steve's attention. With a furrowed brow Steve looked at the pencil lying innocently and harmlessly on the wooden floor. He was sitting a good four metres away from the coffee table, there was no chance that one of his movements had caused the pen to fall. And yet the pen had probably not suddenly decided to leave its original place on its own. It wasn't the first time today that Steve looked around for an open window. And it wasn't the first time today that he didn't find a source of a breeze. Perhaps, after all that had happened, he was now slowly going insane. Or maybe there were microscopic earthquakes here in Wakanda that the human body could not feel, but which were quite capable of shaking a light pencil. With all the vibranium mining going on here, it seemed very likely to Steve. He left the pencil where it was and turned back to his planning. The rough draft was done, now all he had to do was to execute his plans.


	10. Answering

" Do you know the computer also has a voice control?" Tony asked and glanced at Steve. Steve didn't turn to the sofa where Tony was lying, but continued to type on his laptop with concentration. He was still a very slow typist. Tony folded his arms behind his head and focused back on the spot on the ceiling he had been looking at for the last 283 minutes.   
"Sure, AVT's artificial intelligence is nowhere near as sophisticated as Friday, but you could just dictate it what you want to write down. It would be so much faster and you wouldn't have to bother with all that annoying typing" Steve kept typing. Exasperated, Tony closed his eyes. The rattling of the keys filled the room and made him all jittery. He preferred touchscreen, if you really wanted to type, at least that was quiet. 

A sudden glow permeated Tony's closed eyelids and the clacking of keys was replaced by a soft hissing sound. Surprised, he raised his head from the armrest of the sofa and looked around. A familiar swirl of golden sparks had appeared in the middle of the room, grew larger and finally revealed the view into an old dark library. Before Tony could see any details, his view through the portal was blocked by a weird magician with an seriously loyal piece of outerwear. Dr Strange exited the portal and the ring closed behind him. Steve looked as if he was dangerously close to a heart attack. 

"I'm sorry, I should have warned you" said Strange and looked at Steve, whose expression was slowly relaxing again.   
" Indeed" he replied scandalised, but he couldn't banish the curious expectation from his gaze quite as well as from his voice. Tony's glance alternated back and forth between Strange and Steve, just like watching a tennis match. If Strange appeared here in their midst so suddenly, there could only be one reason.   
"You have to be patient a little longer." Strange put two heavy books on the table next to Steve. "But I think I'm on the right track." Steve nodded and picked up one of the books. "Astral magic" he read from the spine of the leather-bound book.   
"I'm here to test some of my current theories," Strange continued unperturbed, slowly turning around his own axis to look at the room. Tony sat up quickly. He knew exactly how things worked with the theories. When you checked them, there was always the chance that you were wrong and the test went terribly wrong. Several holes in the walls of his workshop could tell a tale. Basically there was nothing wrong with it, you had to make mistakes to learn from them, nobody knew this better than Tony, but the miserable rest of his life depended on Strange's mistakes.   
"Whatever happens next, just stay seated there, okay?" Strange said and sat down in one of the armchairs. Steve looked at him in confusion, opened his mouth to say something and then closed it again. Strange looked at him firmly and Steve nodded.

Tony immediately noticed that something unusual was going on. He saw Strange slumping down in the armchair and Steve making a movement in his direction. Then Steve remembered Strange's words and remained seated uneasily. But Tony also saw a transparent image rising from Strange's body, resembling the now unconscious sorcerer to the last hair. Tony knew at once that Strange could see him. He jumped up from the sofa and widened his eyes as Strange came towards him, walking straight through the coffee table. Without allowing himself to be distracted by such mundane things as furniture, Strange reached out his hand to Tony and Tony took it with a firm handshake. It was a real, genuine handshake. He could feel the sorcerer's hand as clearly as he had not felt anything for a long time and he couldn't prevent his chin from dropping. 

"Mr Stark" said Strange " We just got a little closer to your rescue." Tony tried as quickly as he could to gather his thoughts again, which seemed to be randomly scattered throughout the room. "I... er... What are you doing here?" he stammered, trying to get rid of one of the many questions that were burning on his mind.   
"I promise to answer as many questions as I can, but can you let go of me for that?"   
Tony immediately let go of Strange's hand, which he had still held on to. Strange calmly sat down on the sofa and indicated Tony to do the same. Tony wanted to shake him up and tell him that they didn't have time for a cosy tea party but that he should finally take care of getting him out of this in-between world. But he also knew that Strange was his only connection to the real world and that he should not mess with him. So he obediently sat down on the sofa. But his self-control didn't go any further and the questions fell out of his mouth unsorted and unfiltered. "What is this here? Where am I? What am I? Am I dead or am I just a ghost? Or am I a dead ghost? Why is it you, of all people, who can see me? Why can I fall through doors but sit on chairs? And why can you just walk through coffee tables?"

Strange didn't even try to stop him, he just sat there and let the flood of questions flow over him. He seemed to think for a moment before answering, "The here is the astral plane. A space in which your mind can move somewhat independently of your body".   
"What do you mean by "somewhat"?” Tony stepped right in. He had been taken aback by the wording. "Within a certain spatial framework", Strange specified. "If your mind moves too far away from your body, you will first get unbearable headaches and eventually suffer brain death."   
"Nice of you to tell me this now" Tony said and looked anxiously in the direction where his body was. Four floors above them.   
"A few hundred metres won't bother you. Your radius may be a bit smaller than normal at the moment, but you should feel a slight pressure in the back of your head at most". That corresponded pretty much to what Tony felt. Nevertheless, he glanced at the ceiling once more before turning back to Strange.   
"When you say I'll die of brain death if I move too far away from myself... then that must mean I'm not dead yet..." he said slowly, while he was still thinking about it. Strange nodded. "No, you are not dead. But I wouldn't go as far as to call you alive. The infinity stones have blasted the two elements of your existence apart."  
"And you're trying to bring them back together?"  
Strange hesitated before answering. "I'm working on it. The case seems to be unique, there is no real literature on the subject..." Tony sighed resignedly. It was the Master of the Mystical Powers himself who sat in front of him, and not even he could solve his problem. "But I suppose you being here - wherever here is - is not such a bad sign?"  
"Astral plane" Strange corrected and Tony rolled his eyes.   
"Anyone can switch to the astral plane at will. But very few people know how to do it. It requires a concentrated mind and a lot of practice."  
"Why would anyone come here willingly? It's not like this place is abuzz" Tony said. He couldn't imagine anyone liking to live in this in-between world.  
"For thinking," Strange replied dryly. "And because you have some possibilities here that you don't have when you're bound to a material body."  
"For example, walking through coffee tables."  
"For example."

A movement to his right made Tony turn his head. The fact that he finally got answers to his questions had made him forget that Steve was still in the room. For the last few minutes he had been tensely sitting in his chair, following Strange's instructions, but the situation gradually seemed to worry him. He stood up and walked slowly towards Strange's body, that was still lying motionless in the armchair. Strange, who was sitting opposite Tony, muttered an annoyed grumble and made a quick hand movement in Tony's direction. Tony flinched back and for a moment he had the feeling of an invisible pressure wave rolling over him. But in the next moment it was gone again.

"I did tell him to stay seated" Strange mumbled and looked unnerved at Steve.  
"You don't seem to have much experience with Steve Rogers," Tony said, grinning knowingly. "Firstly, he has this people-saving thing which is why he always wants to help everyone and secondly, he's really not good at following orders. He just gives them."  
"Well, you have that in common."  
Tony skipped the sidebar because he was too busy staring at Steve with complete bewilderment. He was moving so slowly that Tony had thought he had just stopped halfway to Strange's body. But now he saw him blinking very slowly. It took several seconds for Steve's eyelids to close and another few long seconds for them to open again. Confused, Tony turned back to Strange, who could read the question on his face.   
"Astral plane"  
"Is that your answer to everything?"  
"Not everything."  
Tony nodded and held back the mocking comment that was on the tip of his tongue. Instead, he tried to sort out what he had just learned. "You can slow down time. That explains why you come here to think, of course. I would too, if it would give my day 72 hours."  
Strange shrugged as if to say that 72 hours was still little.   
Tony remembered that he had gone through 14,000,605 possible outcomes of the battle on Titan in a matter of seconds. It looked as if Tony had discovered his secret and that _astral plane_ was indeed the answer to everything.

"What else can it do, this astral plane?" Suddenly Tony was curious. It seemed as if he was going to stay here a little longer, so he could also use the advantages of his ghostly existence.   
"It appears to me that you have already made use of the basic peculiarities of this plane without being aware of them," Strange said in his usual mysterious manner.  
"If by that you mean that I fell through a door, then yes."  
"Yes, that's what I mean."   
"And I thought it was a mistake in the Matrix." Tony thought aloud. "Because it hasn't happened to me since. And all the other doors, walls and pieces of furniture" he cast a critical glance at the coffee table "seem to me to be extraordinarily stable too."  
"Only in your head."  
Tony could feel his patience thinning. "You know, if you came here just to give me monosyllabic and cryptic answers, I'm not sure I want you here.  
Strange raised his eyebrows and Tony rowed back immediately. "Okay, I'm sorry. I'd really like to know what this is all about, but unfortunately I don't speak magic. So if you could repeat it again in simple words..."  
Strange remained silent and let Tony hang for a while before answering. "The astral plane is controlled by the mind. It is exactly what you make it. If a wall for you is made of solid matter, then it is. If a wall for you is nothing more than a thin curtain, then it is a small thing for you to pass through it. Tony stared at Strange while he processed the information. "So I just have to tell the coffee table it doesn't exist and then I can walk through it?"  
"Basically, yes."  
Tony looked at the glass surface and tried very hard to convince his brain that this table was not real. But as he carefully reached out his hand, his fingers hit very solid glass.  
"It takes practice" commented Strange and Tony didn't need to look at his face to know that he had put on a little superior smile.

Strange gave an examining look over to Steve, who had meanwhile made his way to the armchair in which the collapsed body lay. He was still moving in slow motion and raised his arm to Strange's shoulder agonisingly slowly.   
"I see, he's really not into following orders", Strange said and got a told-you-so-look from Tony. "He never was"  
Strange nodded. "Well, then our Captain here, will unintentionally bring me back to the material world in a few seconds. It wasn't planned that way, but I think I've seen everything I need to."

" Wait..." Tony faltered. He still had a lot of questions to ask, but most of all he wanted Strange to deliver a message for Steve. He wanted to tell him that he was well, that he was not in pain and that it was bearable here on the other side. He wanted to thank him for his rescue and for everything Steve had done for him and the team in the last few days. And actually he also wanted to let Steve know that he was not alone. But before he could say any of that, Strange's astral body had disappeared. Steve's touch on his physical shoulder had pulled him violently back into his body and into the material world. With him, the weird slow motion spell had disappeared and the world around Tony was now moving at normal speed again.  
Angrily Tony hit the coffee table. Couldn't Steve have waited a few more seconds? It would probably be days, if not weeks, before Strange would return to his plane. After all, he had got all he wanted, unlike Tony.

"He's fine" Strange said to Steve and Tony was relieved that he had at least the decency to tell him without being asked.  
"He's here?" Steve asked in surprise and looked around the room. Strange nodded, but didn't go into it any further, already beginning to open a portal.   
"I'll leave you the books. If you want to do Stark a favour, take them into the room where his body is, open the chapter on dematerialisation and turn the pages once a day". Steve might have found the instruction odd, but he didn't get a chance to question it, because Strange stepped through the golden ring without turning around again. Steve stared at the spot where he had disappeared, then at the old books on his desk and finally towards the sofa. He couldn't see Tony, so he looked just past his head, but Tony felt the realisation seep through to him. He was not as alone as he thought. And for the first time Steve realised that Tony was in the room with him. 


	11. Practicing

Tony stared intensely at the chair in front of him. "You're not real, you're not real, you're not real..." He had spent the last hour telling himself that, yet the chair had remained very real. Carefully he reached out his hand again and touched the chair.  
Tony cursed loudly and indecently. Luckily, Steve couldn't discipline him for his language. Annoyed, Tony kicked the chair, but it wasn't impressed by that either. It was frustrating. Since Strange had visited him on the astral plane, Tony had practised and practised and practised. And yet he had not made any progress. How did one convince his mind that objects did not exist? 

Tony let himself fall onto the stubborn chair and stared out the big window. The sun had now set and seventeen floors below, Tony could only see the Golden City as small dots of light. The slight pressure in his head had actually disappeared when he had returned to the cryolab. Just as Strange had said, it was easier for Tony to stay close to his body. It wasn't painful to hang around downstairs on the floor of Steve and the other Avengers, but up here, where Tony and his body were only separated by a thin moving wall, it was more comfortable. And it was easier to concentrate on the astral plane and its features when his mind was not permanently drawn back to his body. 

  
The automatic door behind Tony opened with a hiss and someone turned on the light. In the window in front of him, Tony saw the room and the chair he was sitting in mirrored. His own reflection was missing, but he immediately recognised who had entered the room behind him. Even in the weak reflection from the pane in front of the dark night sky, the blond hair and broad shoulders were easy to identify. Tony turned to Steve, who hesitantly took a few steps into the room. In his arms he held the heavy books that Strange had left behind. Tony looked at him expectantly, while Steve stood indecisively in the middle of the room for a while. Then he laid the books on the table without a word and began to turn the pages. Tony stepped beside him and looked at the opened titles. Like Strange had said, it were the chapters on dematerialisation, the subject Tony had been working on for the last few hours.   
Tony stood so close to Steve that their shoulders almost touched. This thought distracted Tony from the magic books. Strange had said that the astral plane was what he made it into. Because it was rooted in his mind that the ground was solid, he could stand on it. And that's why he had trouble walking through pieces of furniture. But he and Strange had not talked about people. In his mind, Steve was certainly as much materially rooted as the floor he was standing on, and that meant he had to be able to touch him. Tony remembered putting his hand through Bruce's upper body when the Avengers arrived in Wakanda, without first convincing his mind that it was possible. But he had also fallen through a door without much effort, and had not understood it. An attempt would not do any harm. Tony raised his hand and put it on Steve's shoulder. 

Tony felt the physical resistance as he was able to put his hand down without any problems, but that was all he felt. He couldn't say whether the shirt Steve was wearing was smooth or coarse or whether it was warm or cold. He could touch Steve, but he couldn't feel him. And Steve showed no reaction to Tony's touch. He didn't lift his head, he didn't turn around, he didn't even flinch. He couldn't feel Tony's hand.   
Disappointed, Tony let his hand slip off Steve's shoulder again and turned to the books. Maybe there was also a chapter in them that explained how to get his senses back. But when Steve turned a page every day, it would probably take him a while to get to that point. Steve stepped back from the table and walked straight through Tony, causing him to flinch briefly. But he had felt nothing. Although he had been able to touch Steve, Steve could not touch him. Because Steve couldn't see Tony and therefore Tony didn't have a touchable body in Steve's head. Slowly Tony seemed to understand the astral plane.

Once again Steve stood awkwardly in the room and let his gaze wander. He opened his mouth as if to say something, closed it again and opened it anew. But it seemed like he couldn't sort the words, so he closed his mouth again and left the room without saying anything. Tony was left confused and frustrated. He was curious to know what Steve had had to say. Since Strange's visit, Steve knew that Tony was here and Tony was sure that his words would have been addressed to him. After all, there was no one else in the room. But even though Steve was usually the one making big speeches and always finding the right and meaningful words, this time he appeared to have a hard time expressing his thoughts.

"Well then," Tony sighed and leaned forward to the lessons on dematerialisation in the astral plane. With proper guidance, the whole thing shouldn't be that difficult. He began to read and within minutes he had reached the bottom of the page. 

_Essential in learning how to dematerialize objects properly is ..._

Tony read the last line out loud again. "That what?" he yelled angrily into the empty room. "Come on, you can't be serious. Do I have to wait here now until Cap comes and turns the pages for me?" It drove him crazy. The first page had brought him no new insights at all. Essentially, it summarized what he had already heard from Strange, that he was currently only an energetic image of his mind, that he could shape and transform the astral plane, and that it was all a matter of mind.   
"Oh come on, Steve. You could have figured out for yourself that there is nothing helpful in the introduction". Tony muttered to himself. By now he had simply accepted that he was talking to himself. It was a bit like talking to Friday, except that nobody answered him. But now and then he had to vent his thoughts, or in this case his anger.   
"Fine, I' ll just carry on on my own until the gentleman gets his butt up here again so I can read the next two paragraphs. Turning more than one page a day would probably be too much to ask".

All night long Tony tried to convince himself that various objects in his surroundings did not exist. But not only the chair was adamant, the table, the monitors and every single wall would also not bend to his will. Since he didn't need to sleep in his current state, he could work on it around the clock, but the constant concentration on things that were there when they weren't tired Tony in a different way. He didn't know what time it was when he took his first break, but it definitely had to be past midnight. Lost in thought, he leaned against the window pane and looked down at the city. The capital of Wakanda never slept, and so Tony could spot the small dots of light moving through the streets even now. But they had become fewer. Right now he was very happy that he still hadn't managed to dematerialise things. It would be extremely annoying to fall down through the window now. Even though he could probably not hurt himself as a spirit - or as the textbook called it: in his astral form - by falling from the seventeenth floor, he assumed that his spirit would not appreciate being separated from his body so quickly and so far. He would also have to walk all the way back up because he couldn't use a lift. 

Again the door behind him hissed and again the light went on. This time Tony turned around in surprise. It was the middle of the night, he had already received his present page of magic lessons and yet Steve stood in front of him again. Tony took a quick look at him. He had discarded the Captain's tidy appearance and was wearing a blue hooded sweatshirt and grey sweatpants. Tony knew that in front of him stood a Steve Rogers who had given up on trying to sleep. When they had lived together in the Avengers Tower, he and Steve had often met in the corridors at night. Tony had been going to his workshop regularly at night or had returned late, Steve had tried to combat his sleeping problems by exercising in the training room, or had wandered around the tower looking for other insomniacs. Apparently nothing had changed in the past years. And now Steve's quest for nightly distraction had led him straight to Tony in the cryolab. With a coffee cup in his hand he stepped into the middle of the room.   
"You know, coffee is not really the drink of choice when you can't sleep," Tony mocked. But just as he was about to start a long monologue about the chemical effects of caffeine on the human body, he was interrupted.

"Tony?" Steve's voice sounded insecure and yet it seemed far too loud in the empty room. Tony stared at him, curious what would happen next.   
"Are you there?"   
Yes, of course he was there, where should he go? Tony took a few steps towards Steve. He wanted to give him some sign, let him know he could hear him. But he couldn't think of how to do that.  
"Okay, that's really strange" Steve muttered, more to himself than to Tony and clasped the cup tightly with both hands. "I hope you can hear me Tony, because if not I'm just standing here like an idiot talking to myself in the middle of the night."  
"It's not that bad," Tony said, grinning at Steve. "You get used to it."   
Steve kept silent. And Tony waited.  
"I brought you something," Steve finally said and lifted the cup up. Tony snorted in amusement. "Well, thank you very much. As long as it's not astral coffee, I can't do anything with it at the moment, but I appreciate the gesture."  
" I went through Strange's books and read the chapters he suggested to you." Steve continued and Tony immediately stopped talking to listen to him. "I didn't understand much of it, but I think this might do it for a start," and he twitched his cup up once more.  
Tony looked at him in confusion. Everything about that statement confused him. Steve certainly had more than enough to do, and yet he had been reading books he didn't understand, only to bring him an object in the middle of the night that he couldn't do anything with. Tony's brain seemed to work slower than usual, because it wasn't until Steve walked over to the table with the books on it that the penny dropped. Tony hurried to follow Steve and looked down at the new turned page where the previous sentence was finished:

_... starting with small objects._

Tony's gaze wandered from the book over the empty cup that Steve had placed next to it and up to his face, which looked aimlessly around the room. Tony couldn't interpret the expression properly, but Steve almost looked a little... was it relieved? Tony was not sure. Steve was hard to read sometimes.   
"I think we can manage two pages a day, don't you?" Steve said and he almost managed to smile.   
A previously unknown craving suddenly and unexpectedly burst from Tony's chest, so strong that it hurt. The way Steve stood in front of him, so insecure and slightly embarrassed, and looked just past him, drove Tony crazy. He wanted to touch Steve, tell him something, somehow let him know that he could hear him and that he was grateful. Closing his hand around the coffee cup was an act of desperation. It lacked any logic and Tony knew it. Yet he did it because the cup was the greatest connection to Steve he had at this moment.

And the cup moved. It was just like the chair in the common room, or the pen in Steve's flat. Some part of Tony had broken through the boundary between the astral plane and the material world and for a brief moment he was able to move the cup a few inches. But it was enough to get Steve's attention. His head twitched up and Tony saw a real smile playing around his lips this time, pushing the worry line away from his forehead. For a few minutes, Steve just stood there and smiled slightly. And Tony stood opposite him and smiled as well. They were both immersed in that moment of unexpected connection.

Eventually Steve seemed to pull himself together, turned around and walked towards the exit. Tony looked after him, unsure what to feel. As if Steve had felt that, he turned around again. "Good night, Tony"  
Steve turned off the light and the door closed behind him as Tony remained in the dark cryo lab.  
"Good night, Steve." 


	12. Grieving

The warmth of the evening sun on his back vanished abruptly as Steve stepped into the shadow of the citadel. He looked up to the large stone carved panther's head that protruded from the rock above him. Of course, the symbol of Wakanda also guarded the entrance to the underground caves. Figures and letters were carved into the massive stone around Steve, forming an intricate archway. Reverently, Steve walked through beneath it and followed the torch-lit path into the mountain. The flames illuminated the rough structures of the walls and made shadow creatures dance on them. Although two more tunnels opened to the left and right of his path, Steve continued to walk straight ahead. He traversed the round ornate stone slab that marked the intersection and continued to follow the main path. His route took him straight into an underground hall. It was higher than the passageway had been and although it was very spacious, it had lost none of its natural cave character. The torches on the walls lit up the faces of the people who had gathered here. In a circle that followed the outline of the cave, 54 fallen were laid out on wooden trestles. Steve knew the number precisely. He had read it often during the last days of planning. In the centre of the cave burnt another fire inside a stone ring whose light was half obscured by the seven people standing around it. Their long robes in purple and green were woven from shiny fabrics and shimmered in the flickering light. They did not move, they just stood there, hands folded and watched over the dead.

Steve was by far not the only one who had come here. Many of the fallen warriors had had family, or their friends came to say goodbye one last time. Steve walked thoughtfully towards the first bier on his left and looked down at the Wakandan lying in front of him with arms crossed over his chest. Steve raised his own arms and imitated the gesture, the Wakandan’s symbol for honour, courage and pride. The young man in front of him had possessed all these things. His death had not been pointless, but Steve felt the guilt of the survivors rising within him. The man was supposed to have had a long life.  
For a few seconds, Steve stayed in front of his bier and took the time to pay respect to the man who had helped win the war. Then Steve slowly lowered his arms and turned to the next warrior to his right.

It did take time to commemorate every fallen in this way, but it was important to Steve to do so. Each one of them deserved it and so Steve paid tribute to each one. Sometimes alone, sometimes a friend of the warrior would join him. Some relatives who came down here for the wake recognised him. Steve expected the accusing looks, but they did not come. Although they had every right to do so, no one here seemed to blame him for the death of any of the people. Some even nodded at him encouragingly.  
And eventually he got to one of the biers that made his heart heavy. He had recognised the colours before he had really looked at them. Pepper was draped in blue and silver cloths that covered her battered body. Her arms were also folded like a cross in the Wakandan tradition. There was something sublime and elegant about it. She looked like a princess in a bath of blue and silver. Her face showed no trace of the torture she must have gone through in her final moments, bleeding to death alone on the battlefield. Left alone by her team, abandoned by her captain.  
Steve's hands clenched into fists. He trembled from suppressed feelings as the guilt began to roll over him. A hand was suddenly placed on his shoulder and he looked up. Bucky had stepped beside him. He didn't look at him but looked down at Pepper as well, though he didn't let go of Steve's shoulder and the trembling subsided. Steve took a few deep breaths and lowered his eyes. He tried to recall what wonderful moments there had been in Pepper's life that they would like to remember in the years to come. But all he could think of was how big the hole she left behind was. Not only for him personally, but especially in the lives of Tony and Morgan. And neither of them would attend her funeral. Tony because he was in hibernation and Morgan because she was in New York with Happy and they would not be able to get here in time.

Bucky took his hand off Steve's shoulder and Steve felt that he had stopped trembling. He didn't need to explain anything to Bucky, Bucky always knew how he felt. They exchanged a brief meaningful look before turning to the next bier. Steve had come down here alone on purpose, but when his eyes fell on Sam, he was glad Bucky was with him. Sam was also draped in cloths that matched the red and white of his Falcon gear. His body had been cleaned and every trace of blood had disappeared from his face, but even the Wakand priests couldn't make the head wound that had cost him his life disappear. Steve could not look away. He had seen many injuries in his life, including lethal ones, but with Sam it was different. Sam had been his friend. One of his best and true friends, who had stood by his side from the beginning. Who had followed him without hesitation and trusted him. Steve felt Bucky move next to him and automatically mimicked the movement. With arms crossed in front of their chests, they stood there, paying respect to their fallen friend, side by side. Steve knew that Bucky had liked Sam. With a little more time, perhaps a real friendship would have developed between them. Bucky would have deserved another friend. Again, Steve cursed Thanos and the Snap that had ripped them both out of life along with so many others. Steve was still not aware of the full extent of the damage and pain that Thanos had brought upon them. Every day more things came up for which he was directly or indirectly responsible.

And then the feeling of guilt returned with all its might. It hit Steve so hard that he felt as if he had been punched in the stomach. It shook him and he even felt a little sick when he thought about Natasha. She had sacrificed herself for the cause, had given her life for the soul stone, determined to bring the mission to a successful conclusion. And Steve had forgotten her so quickly. He couldn't hold back the tears that rose to his eyes. He was so angry with himself that he started trembling again. Blurry, he looked down at her bier. There was no body to be buried. Clint had not been able to bring her back from Vormir. Natasha had given everything for the victory over Thanos. Not even Bruce had managed to bring her back when he had worn the infinity stones. And now Steve stood here, looking down at the few belongings he had been able to gather in a hurry and wondering when he had become such a bad friend. On the orange and blue cloths that decorated the stretcher laid a black jacket, a faded and battered photograph and a child's drawing. Fury had been able to obtain the jacket, the photo of her and Bruce had been found during the clean-up work in New York, and the drawing had been sent by Clint. There was nothing else to mourn. Steve's stomach cramped up again. He had been on the run with Nat for two years, not to mention the many years they had worked and lived together. And yet Steve felt like he didn't even really know her. He didn't know what her favourite colour was, what music she liked to listen to and what film she couldn't get enough of.

Again it was Bucky who pulled Steve out of the looming spiral of guilt and grief. Wordlessly he handed Steve a wreath of flowers. They were Wakandan flowers, glowing in all colours and forming a colourful arrangement. It was too bright for Steve's taste, but he was glad he had something at all to contribute to Natasha's memory. Why hadn't he thought of taking something with him himself?  
He carefully laid down the wreath on the bier where the head should have been. It fitted in well with the silk and pearl surroundings and made the bier look less dreary. Bucky put an arm around his shoulder and Steve was grateful for the support his friend gave him. It was just like back in the 1940s when Steve had been knocked down in an alley and Bucky came to literally pick him up from the ground and put him back up. And indeed, Steve felt as if the death of his comrades and friends had knocked him to the ground and he was struggling in vain to get back on his feet. 

Bucky pushed him gently towards the exit and Steve let himself be guided by the light pressure on his shoulders. Together they left the caves under the citadel. The sun had now set but the air around them was still warm and comfortable. They silently walked back up the path to the large tower where their quarters were located and Bucky's arm rested on Steve's shoulders the whole time. Only when they reached the door of Steve's flat did Bucky part his arm from Steve and looked him right in the eye. "You gonna be okay?"  
Steve avoided his gaze and instead looked aimlessly down the corridor. "It'll be alright... " Steve felt Bucky's worried look at the back of his head, but he didn't pursue it. "Thanks Buck... for being there and... for the flowers and everything"  
"No worries, pal... you know I'm with you to the end of the line." Steve nodded.  
"But you're not going to suggest we put the couch cushions on the floor like when we were kids, are you?"  
Bucky smiled. "If you insist."  
The situation had something unintentionally funny about it despite its tragedy, but Steve shook his head and unlocked the door to his living area. "No, I can get by on my own. I'll see you tomorrow, Buck." Bucky eyeballed him with a furrowed brow, but Steve closed the door behind himself and gave Bucky no chance to say anything else. He didn't want to hear again that he didn't have to go through it alone. Bucky might be able to keep him company, but mourning and dealing with his pain was something Steve had to do himself. No one could take that off his hands, not even Bucky. 

Steve did not turn on the lights in his flat. The moonlight shining through the large windows highlighted the outlines of the furniture in the dark living room and Steve found his way through without much effort. He made his way through his bedroom and sank onto the mattress at the end of the bed. It was so quiet around him that he could hear his own heartbeat. His heart was pumping blood and life ceaselessly through him and he could not stop his thoughts from wandering back into the cave to all those whose hearts had stopped beating forever. Steve let his head drop into his hands and covered his face. In front of his inner eye the image of Sam appeared, as he had found him in the infirmary in building 3. And as he tried to shake off the horrible sight of his blood-covered face, it was replaced by Natasha, who looked at him reproachfully. Steve felt the skin under his palms become hot as a lump formed in his throat. He squeezed his closed eyes shut even more, but Natasha seemed to be burnt into his retina. "I'm sorry" he whispered into the silence, heard his voice breaking and felt the tears making their way.


	13. Burning

Steve had not been able to get much sleep that night. His thoughts had not stopped spinning and whenever he had started drifting off into a restless sleep, Sam or Natasha had woken him up again. Occasionally, Pepper had joined them and denied Steve a restful night's sleep.   
Steve left his bed with the first beams of sunlight and did what he always did when everything was swirling around in his head. He went for a long run through the city, hoping that the physical activity would silence his inner voices. While this method was usually quite reliable, it worked rather poorly today. But when he returned after two hours, sweaty and out of breath, he had at least managed to push the three far enough into the back of his head that he could at least function.   
After a quick shower and a short breakfast, Steve paid another visit to the cryo lab. Every morning and every evening he turned another page of Strange's magic books for Tony. He knew that Tony was up there, eagerly absorbing any new information that would help him understand his current condition. Steve had flipped through the books himself at the beginning and had at least got a vague idea of how Tony was doing. But he couldn't really comprehend it and Tony couldn't communicate with him. So he continued to do what Strange had suggested and turned page after page. 

The cryo lab had become sort of a private retreat for Steve. He knew Tony was here. Not only his body, which was stored here frozen, but also his spirit. And that had a somewhat calming effect on Steve and his troubled feelings. He had even spoken to Tony once, although he didn't know if he could really hear him. But today Steve was not in the mood for long soliloquies. He crossed the room and turned the pages. For a moment he thought about telling Tony that today was the day of the funeral ceremony for the fallen. But Steve wasn't sure how far Tony's spirit could move away from his body and so he decided to keep it to himself. Tony couldn't attend the ceremony anyway, and knowing about it would probably only drive him crazy. And Steve knew what Tony was like when something drove him crazy. Most of the time it ended in destruction. So Steve left the cryo lab again without saying a word. 

In the Avengers' common room, Steve met those who had stayed. There weren't many left. Rhodey and Carol sat at the kitchen table and had a quiet conversation. Wanda helped Bucky with the cufflinks of his shirt and Bruce stared out the window, lost in thought. Scott and Hope had already gone downstairs to meet Hank and his wife Janet. They had travelled from San Francisco to attend today's ceremony, which Steve appreciated very much. Although he had never met Hank Pym in person, he knew that his research had played a crucial role in their success.   
When Steve entered the room, everyone turned to him and he had the unpleasant feeling of a very bright lamp being pointed at him. He cleared his throat awkwardly, but there was no need for him to say anything, they had already understood. Carol was the first to move, got up and walked past Steve through the glass door. She was followed by Rhodey and Bruce. Steve's eyes briefly met Bucky's, who looked at him concerned again, and he nodded at him briefly to reassure him. He was fine. For now. 

Together they arrived at the entrance to the caves below the citadel. Many had already gathered here. One by one the priests brought out the dead on their biers and handed them over to the respective carriers. In most cases they were relatives or friends. In a few exceptional cases other clerics took over. The atmosphere was exuberant, almost cheerful, and Steve felt a little out of place. When he and T'Challa had planned the memorial service based on Wakandan tradition, he had already learned that death was not a sad event in their culture. It was a big feast in honour of the fallen and they celebrated their entrance into the afterlife, where they lived in harmony with their ancestors for eternity. Steve was fascinated by this perspective and yet it was difficult for him to accept it himself. The loss of them still hurt too much for that.

The priests brought out Natasha's empty bier and Steve followed Bruce, who was already walking towards it. Together they lifted the wooden frame onto their shoulders, Steve in front where the head would have been, Bruce in the back. The bier was too light and the lack of weight was a painful reminder to Steve that her body was lying somewhere on Vorir and that despite the symbolic funeral today, she would not find any true rest. But then the drums started beating and forced Steve to concentrate on the here and now. The musicians in front of him played a happy melody and started moving down the path heading towards the main street. Steve and Bruce followed them and led the funeral procession. Behind them came Bucky and Wanda carrying Sam's bier and Rhodey and Carol with Pepper. All the other bier carriers lined up with their fallen and they formed a long procession of people, which was concluded by the priests and shamans who had watched over the dead in the cave. With every step they took, more people joined them. Women with colourful cloths were dancing to the sound of drums around them, men were singing in traditional choirs and everyone who wanted to wish the dead a good journey joined the march. Steve saw T'Challa and his family walking down the street in awe in front of the procession, surrounded by the women of the Dora Milaje. Steve also saw Scott, Hope, Hank and Janet join them.

In a long parade they marched through the city, accompanied by music and chants. Their way led them over the big bridge and past the city plaza, out of the city centre and up a flat hill. The influx of people did not stop. Steve had the feeling that all of Wakanda was on its feet to attend the ceremony. And that was probably true. The procession came to a halt on the hill and Steve had a moment to look around. From the slight elevation there was a clear view of the mirror-like lake and the big mountain that provided Wakanda with its vibranium. And Steve knew that if he had turned around, he would have had a view of the entire Golden City from here. In front of him were 51 excavated graves. Graves that were intended for the Wakandan warriors who would find their final resting place here. Now, as the musicians and dancers gradually retreated and blended in with the crowd, they revealed what had been built in the background behind the prepared tombs. Three wooden scaffoldings rose into the sky, so large that not even Steve could look upon them if he stood in front of them. 

Steve could feel the other bier bearers lining up around him and he and Bruce automatically joined them. They formed a semi-circle around T'Challa and one of the priests. The speech that followed had been written by Steve together with T'Challa. He could have recited every single word of it and yet he listened carefully. He listened to T'Challa's words about the Ancestral Lands and how the fallen warriors had lived up to their name and earned a place among the heroes and legends of Wakanda. He spoke about the salvation of the universe and that every victory required sacrifices, but that this was not the time to mourn but to celebrate. They should all celebrate the lives of these brave heroes and honour their memory.  
While T'Challa spoke, Steve deliberately avoided thinking of Sam, Natasha or Pepper. Even though they were holding this celebration according to Wakandan traditions, he knew that he was not yet in a state to celebrate their lives. He was still too stuck in Western customs and his grief was deep. So he avoided the thought of it entirely. He did not want to be the one who ruined the festivities with an inappropriate outburst of emotion. 

When T'Challa had ended, Steve and Bruce started moving again. Wanda and Bucky followed them, as did Rhodey and Carol. They carried their three biers to the hilltop and set them down on the wooden scaffoldings. These were also decorated with beads and cloths and the wood had been artfully carved. Steve moved his hand over one of the beams and felt the notches that formed the outline of a feline predator under his fingers. It was a puma, strong, fast and agile, like Natasha had been. Briefly Steve also looked at the beams that had been carved for the others and was not surprised to spot the falcon on the wood next to him. No other animal would have symbolised Sam better. Pepper's stamina, ambition and also motherhood had been expressed in the form of a bear. Steve thought Tony would have liked it.

The Avengers rejoined the crowd and Steve also pushed the thought of Tony away. The drums and chanters picked up again as the priest raised a golden torch and set Sam's wooden resting place on fire. From the centre the fire spread to the left and right, forming a tripartite fire backdrop in front of which the first Wakandans were lowered into their graves. While the bodies of Pepper and Sam and Natasha's symbolic bier were burning in the background, another priest blessed each of the warriors before they were given to the earth. Many of the bystanders joined in the singing and the dancers moved again to the music. Steve did neither feel like singing nor dancing. He stared into the fire and tried to see more in it than a cremation of his best friends. It didn't really work. 

By the time the last Wakandans had been entombed, the flames had turned the large, magnificent frames into small piles of ashes and embers, as well as the bodies and belongings of the two Avengers and Pepper. Sporadically, small flames still flickered upwards, giving Steve a sting each time. He would bring back three ash-filled urns to New York and he would never see Sam's face again...  
Steve gulped down the thought before it could manifest and turned his attention to T'Challa, who had resumed speaking.   
"In memory of our fallen brothers and sisters, I invite every Wakander and every guest to our halls. Let us celebrate their lives with food and drink and appreciate their tribute, as they would have done for us. We owe it to them!" The crowd burst into cheers and it was very strange for Steve to be exposed to such exuberant positive emotions at a funeral. But the idea of a banquet in the great halls of the Citadel had been Steve's, and he was somewhat pleased that the suggestion was met with general enthusiasm. The crowd moved back down the hill and as Steve saw none of the other Avengers around him, he simply let himself be carried away by the crowd towards the citadel. Surely he would find them there again. 

As promised, T'Challa had opened the five largest halls of the citadel. A buffet had been set up on long tables between the golden columns and each room had its own bar. Smaller tables and seating arrangements were scattered throughout the rooms and Wakander helped themselves to a wide variety of food and drink. Steve wasn't hungry, so he only had a quick look at the various African but also European and American dishes and then set out to find his comrades again. It didn't take long until he found Scott, who ran straight into him excited, and with four bottles of beer in his hands.   
"Cap, there you are! I've been looking for you. Come sit with us, Hank wants to meet you" and before he knew it, Scott had dragged him to his table and pushed him into the seat between himself and Hank. Steve was too puzzled to resist. A bit absent he noticed how Scott introduced him and Hank to each other. Only when he shook the scientist's hand did he pull himself together and focused on the conversation. And it was actually interesting to talk to Dr. Hank Pym, the inventor of the Pym particles and thus co-inventor of time travel. Although Steve only understood half of what he said, it was an honour to sit next to him. It took only ten minutes before Bruce showed up. He had probably been lured by the scientific talk and not a minute later an intense discussion about the quantum realm had broken out at the table. Steve felt superfluous, nodded briefly at Scott and left the table. 

As Steve looked around the room, he spotted Bucky. He and Wanda were sitting on one of the benches along the walls and were obviously engrossed in a deep conversation. Apart from that, Steve did not see any familiar face. Despite his height, it was difficult to get a good overview. Especially as there were five rooms to linger in, in addition to the plaza in front of the citadel, where people were still dancing and singing. Steve decided that he had been around long enough to leave without appearing rude and headed back to his flat. The celebration had been good. Big, special and Wakandic. But Steve yearned to be alone. As he entered the tower, he briefly considered visiting Tony in the cryo lab to tell him how the town had celebrated Pepper and the others. But he felt incapable of saying this out loud, so he dismissed the idea and turned his steps straight to his private rooms.

He had just pulled the door shut behind him, when his eyes fell on Sam's wings, which were still lying untouched in the entrance area. And the wall he had so carefully built up during the day collapsed. The thoughts and feelings involving Sam, Natasha and Pepper broke through his barrier and overran his entire mind. Steve had to brace himself on the wall to avoid falling to the ground, overwhelmed by grief and guilt. He couldn't think straight, everything in his head was spinning. Steve didn't manage to remain on his feet and slid powerlessly down the wall. Tears burst out of him before he knew what was happening and once he had started crying it seemed impossible to stop. Wave after wave of grief broke over him and shook him again and again. In the end he didn't even know what exactly he was mourning. Sam, Natasha, Pepper, Tony... in his head everything seemed to mix into a single lake of pain in which he was about to drown. He wanted to call for help, but no one would hear him. And there was no one left to throw a life ring at him. He would drown in this lake and no one would ever find him.


	14. Locking

When Steve opened his eyes, it took him a few minutes to regain orientation. He didn't know how long he had been cowering there on the floor, or when his tears had dried up, but his body must have simply given in to sleep at some point. He had slid down the wall sideways and had ended up in an uncomfortable position. Groaning, Steve lifted himself into a more or less upright position, but he didn't risk getting up. All his limbs felt as if they were made of pudding and he assumed that his legs would not carry him. His whole body felt unusually weary and exhausted, as if he had been in an intense fight. 

There was knocking at the door and Steve winced. Only now did he realise that it was this very knocking that had woken him up a few seconds ago. Whoever was at the door seemed to insist on talking to him. Steve assessed his options. He was in a shabby condition, cowering here on the floor, his eyes puffy and the salty traces of dried tears on his cheeks. He didn't want to talk to anyone right now. Not until he had at least refreshed himself a little. He could pretend to be asleep. But Steve had a reputation for having a light sleep, pretending that the knocking hadn't woken him up would not be convincing. He could tell the one in front of his door that he didn't want to talk to them. But then there would be rumours again that he was such a loner and that it was not good for the team. After the devastating argument at Leipzig Airport, Steve had fortunately been able to calm the talking on this subject to a large extent, and he was not keen on ruining his reputation again, which had been arduously restored over the past five years. 

It knocked again and this time the knocking was followed by a voice: "Steve? I know you're in there." Of course it was Bucky. And of course he was playing the omniscient again. Steve didn't know where this sudden defiance came from, but now he wanted even less to talk to anyone. And certainly not to Bucky. He decided to go with his third option: to deliberately ignore the knocker. At some point Bucky would get tired and just leave him alone. Bucky of all people should know that Steve was not in the mood for a conversation. He didn't even care what it was about, he just didn't feel like talking. Not to mention the pathetic impression he gave, sitting there in the entrance area of his flat, his back leaning against the wall and his knees drawn to his chest.  
"Steve... if you don't open this door within five seconds, I'm gonna kick it down." Steve knew right away that Bucky was not joking. It was an easy matter for him to kick the door off its hinges.  
"Five..." Steve frantically searched for other options, for excuses he could tell Bucky to not open the door for him.  
"...four..." He could think of nothing. Nothing that would convince Bucky, at least. He just knew him far too well and for far too long.  
"...three..." For a moment he wondered whether he should just make Bucky actually kick down the door. Maybe T'Challa would throw him out if he destroyed Wakandan property.  
"...two..." Or maybe he pretended to be asleep after all. If he jumped up now, he would still make it to the bed before Bucky could force his way into the flat.   
"...one..." Steve surrendered. Bucky would not buy any of his subterfuges and Steve knew he would not give up until he got what he wanted. He was much too stubborn for that.   
"Wait!" Steve shouted before Bucky could take a run-up to the door. "Hang on, I'm coming." Steve's voice sounded hoarse and unfamiliar. He picked himself up off the floor and dragged himself to the door. With nimble fingers he disengaged the lock and opened the door a little bit, just enough for him to peer into the corridor with one eye, without Bucky being able to see much of him.

Bucky stood in front of him with his arms folded, looking at the small part of his face he could see. As their eyes met, Bucky's angry expression softened. "May I come in?"  
Steve shook his head and Bucky's face hardened again. "That was not a question, Steve."   
If there was one thing Steve had learned in recent years, it was to know when he had lost. Bucky pushed the door open with his metal left arm, and in his current condition, not even Steve could do anything about it. He just stumbled back a few steps in resignation to avoid being hit in the face by the door and then remained standing indecisively in the entrance area of his flat. Bucky's gaze wandered through the room and then returned to Steve. With one step he had overcome the distance between them and without warning pulled Steve into a firm embrace. Steve had no chance to prepare himself to build up his barriers, or even to be aware of how he felt. But his alarms went off and he tried with all the strength he was capable of mustering to escape this sudden act of affection. But he did not succeed. Bucky was probably the only one who was able to force a hug on Captain America, and Steve blamed his current physical condition for his defeat. He was usually superior to Bucky. Steve struggled in vain for a while, but then he surrendered and endured it. 

When his body came to rest and stopped fighting Bucky, Steve was able to sort his thoughts again and rebuild the protective barrier around his feelings. Carefully, he locked everything that was already threatening to overwhelm him again into a room in the back of his head, locked the door and threw away the key. Behind the high walls in his head, he pushed all the unpleasant things he didn't want to talk about, not with Bucky and not with anyone else. In his head, they were safe from annoying questioning and did not bother anyone but Steve himself. 

Bucky loosened the hug and let Steve go. "You don't look good, buddy," Bucky said with a hint of old wit, but there was real concern in his eyes. Steve dismissed the criticism. "I haven't been getting much sleep lately." That was only half the truth. Yes, he hadn't slept much, but he had just locked the real reason for it in the forbidden room in the back of his head. And he had no intention of taking it out of there again.   
"You know you don't have to go through this alone, Steve," Bucky said and Steve shook his head. He didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to give Bucky the feeling he had to take care of him again like he had always done in the past. Back in the old days, when Steve had been a small, weak and sickly boy from Brooklyn. He was Captain America and no longer dependent on help.   
"Thank you, Buck" Steve said friendly "But I'll be fine". It was evident that Bucky did not believe him. Therefore Steve had to try a little harder to convince him that he didn't need his help.   
"Look, I mean it, I'll be all right I was grieving, I had a weak moment, but it's not the first time I've lost comrades." This time it was Bucky who avoided Steve's gaze. Steve knew that he was still sorry for his unintentionally faked death and the grief he had brought upon Steve, even if it had not been his fault. Steve had played his ace and was now watching as Bucky, somewhat embarrassed, shifted his weight from one foot to the other without looking at him. Steve used the moment he had checkmated him to open the door behind him. "If you don't mind, I'd like to take a shower now and then catch up on some sleep" And he pointed out into the corridor. Bucky followed his request slowly and eyeballed him once more before he walked past him and out. "Well then... get some sleep, pal" he said, but Steve closed the door between them without replying. 

When his flat was silent again and he heard Bucky's footsteps moving away in the corridor, he exhaled with relief. He had made it. If he could convince Bucky, then he could convince everyone else here that he was fine. But apart from Bucky, probably no one would dare to question that anyway. At least not with Steve around to notice. What he would have liked best right now was a mission to pursue. Something he had to do alone, where no one could give him compassionate looks and where his head was too busy to care much about the forbidden room. It was preposterous. They had just won the biggest battle in the universe and Steve had hoped that all this fighting had now come to an end. And now he longed for a fight that would truly challenge him, take him to the edge of his physical capacity and after which his muscles would continue to ache for days. With the vague thought in his head that he could ask Carol to join him in some sparring tomorrow, Steve went to bed. Now that everything that had kept him awake for the last few days was safely locked away in the forbidden room, he had the hope of finally getting a few hours of genuinely restful sleep.

And indeed, the morning had some positive surprises in store for Steve. When he opened his eyes, he realized that he had slept through the night. He couldn't say how long, but he didn't recall being awake in between and that in itself was a progress. After taking a shower he also noticed that Bruce was waiting for him in the common room, eager to talk to him. Steve's first impulse was to stay well away from him. But Bruce didn't give Steve the impression that he wanted to discuss his feelings, so Steve took the risk of joining him at the kitchen table. Nobody else was here yet. "Steve, Hank left me some vials of new pym-particles" Bruce started and for the first time Steve was seriously glad that Bruce was talking about science. "Fury sent over the remnants of Loki's sceptre and I was able to successfully create a new tesseract. We have everything we need and should get rid of the artifacts in time". Bruce stroked thoughtlessly with his left hand over his battered and scarred arm. "The sooner we can separate the six stones again, the better. We've had them with us long enough." Steve nodded. He was also uncomfortable that they were all stored together in a small suitcase somewhere up in the labs, just a few metres away from Tony's body. And while Bruce was still talking about the necessity of thinking carefully about how to approach the matter, the opportunity Steve had been looking for was revealed to him. It was tricky, dangerous and a lot depended on it. Bringing the stones back to the past was exactly that kind of mission he needed now and that he had already longed for last night. Apart from him, there were hardly any Avengers left who could do the job. Scott and Hope flew back to San Francisco yesterday after the funeral ceremony with Hank and Janet. Carol, Peter, Bucky and Wanda had never travelled in time before, apart from the fact that Peter was too young for such a mission. Bruce was the only one who could operate the new quantum tunnel and that left only Rhodey and Steve himself. And after all, Steve was the Captain. He wouldn't let Rhodey undertake this dangerous journey into the unknown, not as long as he had a choice. When they had collected the stones, they had gone all in, because they had had nothing left to lose. This time there was a lot to lose, and on the last time travel mission Natasha had lost her life.   
Something was scratching at the door to Steve's forbidden room, but he just didn't listen.

"I'll do it" Steve said, interrupting Bruce's ongoing stream of words. Bruce looked at him in surprise and began to stammer choppy sentences "I didn't mean to ... Are you sure that ... Do you think you're able to do this? ... with everything that ..."   
Steve stiffened up a little at the question. "Who, if not me, should be able to do that?" he asked in return, trying to sound convinced and not arrogant. "I've done this before, I know what it takes and I'm volunteering. What more do you want, Bruce?" Bruce looked as if he was searching for words to back up his doubts, but he couldn't find them. Finally he gave in. "Fine. Come up to my lab later. We need a detailed plan of when you'll be where, so you don't create new alternate realities while fixing the past." Steve nodded absently. He had just spotted Peter, who had staggered sleepily into the room and started to pour himself a bowl of cornflakes. Steve promised Bruce to work out a strategy with him later, then stood up and walked towards Peter. 

The boy had sat down with his breakfast on one of the bar stools at the counter of the open kitchen. Steve sat down next to him and pondered how best to begin what he wanted to say.   
"Hey, Mr Rogers" Peter squelched in between two mouthfuls of cornflakes. "Quite a party last night, wasn't it? I've never seen so many different foods in one room before. And the music! The Wakanders really know how to throw a party. Did you see the fireworks, Mr. Rogers? There were fireworks in the evening. It was actually really cool. I can hardly believe that it was a funeral ceremony, because it didn't feel like one. You know what I mean, Mr Rogers?!" Peter had talked himself into such a frenzy, he forgot to eat. He beamed at Steve, who tried to smile back but couldn't.  
"Listen, Peter, I want you to go back to your aunt in New York."   
Peter's enthusiasm evaporated. He stared at Steve in disbelief. "What? Why?"   
Steve had expected the reaction and had his answer prepared. "Because you still live with her and she's your legal guardian. Plus, you've got to go to school, graduate, see your friends again..."  
Peter had already opened his mouth to argue, but the mention of his friends stopped the flood of objections before it had begun. Steve knew that Peter had always dreamed of being an Avenger. And now he had made it, only to be sent away again by his Captain. But Steve also knew that it was for the best and the fact that Peter did not contradict any more clearly showed that he missed his friends, his aunt and New York more than he wanted to admit.   
" It will be weird going back to school," Peter said, staring into his cornflakes, which slowly began to soften. "I was gone for five years. People that used to be my classmates are already going to college. And I can't talk to anyone about superhero stuff." He hesitated briefly before continuing. "I know, I told Mr Stark that I wanted to be the friendly neighborhood spider-man ...but I'm not sure I even know my neighborhood anymore." Steve put a reassuring hand on Peter's shoulder. "Nobody knows Queens like you do, Peter. I'm sure you'll get the hang of it again in no time. I've already informed Fury. This afternoon a jet will be coming to pick you up." Peter looked up at him and forced himself to a sad smile. "So this is farewell, then?"  
"Only temporarily. When Tony's awake again, we're coming back to New York." To be honest, Steve hadn't thought about what they would do if they could get Tony back. But it seemed only logical to him. There was a lot to do in New York and also Tony's daughter was there. At the moment she was in the safe hands of Happy, but Tony would want to see her as soon as he could.   
"Will you write to me when he wakes up, Mr Rogers?" Peter asked.  
"I will." Steve assured and reached out his hand to Peter. "See you, Queens"  
Peter took his hand in a surprisingly strong handshake. "See you, Mr. Rogers."


	15. Hiding

_You are not real, you are not real, you are not real..._  
Tony no longer needed to say the words aloud by now, concentrating intensely on them was enough. He slammed his hand down on the tabletop, straight through the coffee cup. His daily practice had paid off. Small things like coffee cups or books no longer caused him any problems and he could dematerialise them at will. Strange's books had played a big part in his success. Step by step, he had worked his way through the pages Steve had turned for him, getting a little better every day. Once or twice, he had even managed to dematerialise the table or the chair. But it still didn't work as reliably as he would have liked. But then again, the textbook hadn't gone that far yet. The current lesson was about how to progress from verbal dematerialisation to non-verbal, and Tony had just impressively demonstrated that he had mastered it. These pieces of furniture were in for trouble. "Yeah, I mean you!" Tony said, pointing accusingly at the table. "Just you wait, when Steve opens the next chapter for me, you're screwed" At least he hoped so. It was always a bit difficult to predict what was going to happen on the next few pages.

Tony looked at the luminescent digits of the digital clock glowing in the corner. It was almost half past nine in the morning. Steve was late. He usually came up here around eight and you could basically set the clock by Steve Roger's punctuality. The thought wasn't enough to worry Tony, Steve could be busy with who knows what. He was probably poring over the planning of a new headquarters or catching up on time with Barnes or whatever. So it could have happened that he forgot about him. Tony folded his arms and settled down on the table, offended. No, it didn't worry him that Steve wasn't here yet, it hurt him. How could he forget him so easily?

As if his thought had floated down through the floor and straight towards him, the door opened and Steve stepped in. Tony opened his mouth for a mocking remark, but then he saw the expression on Steve's face. The worry line had burrowed itself deep between his eyebrows and his mouth had become a thin line again. Tony had seen that expression on Steve's face before. He used it whenever someone - usually Tony - hadn't stuck to the plan and had put someone in unnecessary danger. It was this mixture of concern and trying not to let on and look sovereign. And Tony hated that look on his face because it immediately made two things very clear to him: firstly, that something was wrong, and secondly, that Steve wouldn't talk about it. 

While Tony was eyeing Steve, trying hard to figure out what was on his mind, Steve crossed the room, flipped the page and turned back on his heel. A fact that caused Tony to follow him. It had only happened once that Steve had spoken to him while he had been here. But most of the time Steve stayed at least a few seconds, reading through the page he had opened or looking around the room for some hint of where Tony currently was. A couple of times Tony had even been able to move things while Steve had been present, a quirk that the textbooks had not yet explained to him. But Steve being in a hurry to leave the cryo lab had never happened before. Now Tony was worried after all.

He slipped through the open door behind Steve and was surprised to see that he was heading straight for Bruce's lab. That alone was strange. Steve and modern science went together as well as Peter and prolonged silence. Which is not at all. And yet Steve walked determinedly towards the door and pushed it open. It was only at the moment when Tony again shoved himself through the doorframe close behind Steve that he realised that Steve was wearing his old Captain America suit. In the dim light of the cryo lab, he hadn't noticed, but now there was no doubt. The bright blue, the radiant red and white stripe pattern... Steve's suits had become more subtle over the years. But this one just screamed "Here comes Captain America". And Tony could think of only one reason why Steve would wear this suit.

"There you are. Can we get started?" Bruce peeked out from behind a large screen in their direction. Steve nodded and stepped forward. Tony couldn't help but look. Back when he had travelled to 2012 a few days ago, Steve's butt had already caught his attention surprisingly quickly. And this time was no different, especially since Tony already knew what to expect. Silently, he agreed with Lang: this was indeed America's ass. And Tony would be very careful to never admit that to anyone.

Tony tore his gaze away as Bruce began to speak again. "I put all the stones, the Tesseract, and the sceptre in here for you." He handed Steve a flat metal briefcase. "The outer shell is reinforced with lead and vibranium to keep radiation inside. Plus Fury worked his magic and got you undercover outfits for 2012 and 1970." Bruce held up a black backpack and Steve pulled it onto his back. Tony and Bruce watched in concern as Steve lifted Mjolnir and stepped onto the circular platform in the corner. Tony had already seen on the battlefield that Steve had been able to lift the hammer as if it was nothing more than an ordinary tool. But Tony did not believe that he would ever get used to it. It did fill him with some pride to be fighting with a captain on the team who was worthy enough to carry one of Asgard's powerful artefacts. But maybe Mjolnir had become a little less picky in the last few years and was now willing to do anything. Tony resolved to try it again himself as soon as he left the astral plane. If his heroic self-sacrifice had not declared him worthy, then he did not know what else to do. 

"Ready?" Bruce's voice made Tony realise at once why he was here again. Or rather why Steve was here. Steve nodded and straightened up as Bruce pressed a large button on his control console. Within a second Steve had disappeared without a trace. Tony knew what was currently happening to him as the new quantum tunnel Bruce had constructed was shrinking him to minimal size and sending him through the quantum realm into the past. He could explain the entire process, including how the Stark space-time GPS worked, down to the tiniest detail, and yet he stood in the middle of the lab with his mouth slightly open. It was still fascinating to see how they had transported a full-grown man into the past just like that, with not much more than a few Pym particles and the push of a button. 

But as soon as Steve had disappeared, Tony realised what he had gotten himself into. It was not the time travel itself that worried Tony. Travelling through the quantum realm was risk-free in itself, but he was travelling to times that had been considerably more dangerous. Thanos hadn't been the only one looking for the stones back then and Steve was currently carrying all six. Tony didn't want to fathom the danger Steve had just knowingly put himself in. Unfortunately, it was all Steve to shoulder everything in order to protect the team from it. He was the one who lay down on barbed wire so that his comrades could get over, even when the barbed wire was emitting dangerous gamma radiation.

Five seconds passed, maybe six, before Bruce pulled a lever and brought Steve back to the present. While he was still reappearing in front of their eyes, Tony wondered how much time had passed for him. How long did it take to bring six powerful and dangerous Infinity Stones back to their timelines? At the same time, he was eager to know what Steve had seen and experienced. But Tony's curiosity fizzled out when Steve had fully materialised in front of him. He looked as if he was coming straight out of a fight. His bright blue suit was dirty and soaking wet and his face was clearly marked with scratches and bruises. Tony became angry. Whoever had dared to mess up his captain's flawless face like that would be up against Iron Man. At least as soon as Tony was able to get into his armour again. 

Steve handed the briefcase back to Bruce, the backpack seemed to have magically disappeared, and stepped off the platform. Tony noticed very clearly that his steps were unsteady and he moved as if his knees had gone weak. What had happened over there? What could have turned Captain America's knees into rubber?  
"Are you okay?" Bruce asked, who must have noticed Steve's wobbly walk too and was watching him with concern as he crossed the room. Steve nodded. "Yeah, it's all good. It just was a bit exhausting, I think I'm going to lie down for a while." Bruce nodded at him in understanding and seemed obviously reassured. But Tony was alarmed. Steve Rogers, official viceroy of insomnia - because king, of course, was Tony himself - was going to lie down in the middle of the day? Just like that? And Bruce wasn't astonished? Had Steve actually developed healthy sleeping habits in the five years they had had practically no contact? Tony found that highly unlikely. But since Bruce didn't seem to think Steve's behaviour was questionable at all and had already turned back to his screens, Tony took it upon himself to check on Steve. Ignoring the fact that he could neither help him nor inform anyone else of any problems, he followed Steve out of the room, down the corridor and into his flat. He just hoped that Steve was really just tired. After all, no one knew how much time had passed for him in the past. 

Tony's gaze fell directly on Sam's wings. They were still where they had been the last time he had been in this room. Since Strange had visited them here, Steve hadn't touched Sam's inheritance and Tony couldn't blame him. Even he felt an uncomfortable twinge in his chest when he thought that these wings, which he himself had designed and made according to Sam's pattern and wishes, would never lift Sam into the air again. He could only roughly imagine how Steve, who had been so much closer to Sam, must feel about this. 

Tony was so wrapped up in his thoughts about Sam and his wings that he missed his chance. Steve had only removed his shoes in the hallway and had continued towards the bedroom, closing the door behind him.   
"Shit!" Tony cursed, stepping as close to the door as he could. He heard another door close on the other side and then the distant sound of water. Steve had gone to take a shower. This was neither unusual nor in any way alarming and it reassured Tony for now. He stepped back from the door and took his favourite spot on Steve's sofa again. The sofa was just long enough for Tony to stretch out on it without having to put his feet on the armrest. Besides, Steve's room had a great view over the city. Admittedly, he hadn't tried many sofas here, only two to be precise, but Tony was very sure that Steve had the best sofa. 

Tony looked out the window and waited for a freshly showered Steve to come back into the living room. But the minutes passed and nothing happened. Tony watched four Wakandan jets landing one after the other in the distance until he decided to be worried. He rose from the sofa and once again harkened at the door to the bedroom. The sound of the shower had stopped and although it was hard to tell through the massive door, Tony believed he should be able to hear if Steve moved in the room beyond. Could he really have just gone to bed? Tony hadn't thought it possible, but it sure looked like it. Still, Tony felt uneasy. He wanted to verify it at least. The condition in which Steve had returned from the quantum tunnel had left an unsettling feeling in Tony. And it weren't Steve's bruises that worried Tony.

He pressed his ear against the door as close as he could, but to no avail. Why was he not yet far enough along in his spell book to dematerialise doors? Why didn't the lesson start at that point? After all, those were the really important and useful things. What was the use of him being able to reach through a coffee cup if he couldn't manage to walk through a closed door? On the other hand, he had succeeded once before and at that time he hadn't understood anything about dematerialising, let alone known what the astral plane was. Maybe it was just worth a try.

Tony closed his eyes and concentrated. The dull pressure in the back of his head was back, making it clear that he had moved away from his body. But Tony ignored it and began reciting the old mantra again, "You're not real, you're not real, you're not real." Strange had said that if he thought of walls like curtains, then it would be easy for him to walk through them. Tony focused all his thoughts on this analogy and the idea of just walking through the door over to Steve. 

Without opening his eyes, he took two big steps forward and knew immediately that it had worked. Euphoria flooded his body and he opened his eyes. He was standing in Steve's darkened bedroom and the door behind him was still locked. He suppressed a shout of exultation. Then he remembered that Steve couldn't hear him anyway. Nevertheless, Tony tiptoed closer to the bed and was mildly surprised to find that Steve was indeed lying in it, as he had announced. Wrapped in his blanket, he had rolled onto his side, revealing only the upper part of his back to Tony. Tony was relieved. He had been afraid he would find Steve in the middle of a panic attack because he had experienced distressing things in the past. Tony was sure that it had been anything but easy to return to the place and time when Natasha had died...

Just as Tony turned to go back through the door into the living room, Steve moved. Restlessly, he turned on his back and stared at the ceiling. Tony stopped a few feet away from him, unsure of what to do. How stable was Steve now, after all the years that had passed? And what had he experienced? Maybe Tony's predicted panic attack was still to come. Maybe he'd better stay here, just in case. His subconscious tried to tell him that he was still without a body, that there was nothing he could do for Steve in case of emergency, but Tony refused to listen to his inner voice. Instead, he walked towards the armchair that was in the corner by the window and sat down on it. In the dim light he saw Steve's profile silhouetted against the darkness behind him and kept his gaze fixed on it. Even now he could see it working inside Steve, but it was impossible to read more than that from him. Keeping his eyes firmly focused on Steve, Tony pulled his feet up onto the armchair and his knees to his chest. He would stay here. All day if he had to. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on tumblr: [@beccibarnes](https://beccibarnes.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Thank you for reading <3


	16. Solving

When the sun started to set, Steve moved again for the first time. He had tossed and turned restlessly in his bed for quite a while before he had finally fallen asleep. Tony had not left his guard post and had sat in his room the whole time. He had simply done it, had not questioned it, because he had been certain that it was right and important for Steve to not be alone. But as Steve began to wake up again and nothing of what Tony had expected had happened, he felt silly. And not only that. He felt as if he had intruded into something very private. Steve didn't know Tony was watching him and Tony wasn't sure if he would approve it.

Before Steve was properly awake, Tony had got up from the armchair and hastily crossed the room. Not wanting to cause Steve any embarrassment, he was so hasty in his efforts to leave the bedroom that he bumped into a small chest of drawers. The lamp that stood on top of it wobbled and made a jingling sound. Tony froze when he felt Steve looking in his direction. He felt caught, even though Steve could not see him. But Steve seemed to quickly dismiss the surprising movement of the lamp as unimportant and did not act on it. Tony slipped through the locked door with relief, pleased at how easily he managed it. In the living room he felt immediately more at ease. He didn't know what had been going through his mind, but he had just spent several hours watching Steve Rogers sleep. And right now he couldn't understand why. Basically there was nothing wrong with it, no one had even seen him doing it. And yet a strange feeling remained in Tony's stomach. He took two deep breaths to calm his thoughts and convince himself that everything was fine. 

Tony did not wait for Steve. Glad that he had got the hang of it and could move through doors at will, he went straight over to the common room. But the spacious room appeared unusually empty when Tony entered. The first thing he saw was Rhodey sitting on the sofa, apparently reading a book. Then Tony became suddenly distracted by Wanda balancing a stack of plates past him. For a while, Tony's gaze lingered on the strange image of Wanda setting out plates and cutlery for five people while Bucky was standing at the cooker in the background, stirring in a pan. Since when could Bucky cook? Like... really cook. More than scrambled eggs and bacon. Then something else crossed his mind. Five plates. Five Avengers were left. Rhodey, Bucky and Wanda were in the room with Tony, he had seen Steve just a moment ago and Bruce probably hadn't just disappeared since this morning either, but was still in his lab. Or again. The last time Tony had been down here, there had been almost twice as many of them. If he was honest, it didn't surprise him. He had known they would go separate ways again after the battle was won. Some had jobs or families, not all of them even lived in New York. And yet it left Tony with a queasy feeling because they had left without saying goodbye to him. Immediately after thinking this thought, he felt ridiculous. How were they supposed to do that? Apart from Steve and Strange, no one knew that Tony could hear them. Steve himself wasn't even really sure, and even if he were, he probably wouldn't have told anyone. In fact, Tony couldn't really blame the others.

Just as Wanda placed the last plate on the table, Steve entered the room. Bruce followed a few yards behind. Although the two men tried to hide it, Tony saw how exhausted both of them looked. Bruce still had his scarred right arm in a large sling and although Steve had slept for several hours, the shadows under his eyes had not disappeared. Bruce dropped straight into a chair at the dining table, but Steve approached Wanda. "Do you two need any more help?" Tony rolled his eyes. No matter how tired and weary he might be, Steve Rogers wouldn't be Steve Rogers if he didn't still offer his help selflessly to everyone.

"No thanks, we'll manage. You go ahead and sit down," Wanda replied, putting a soothing hand on his arm. Reluctantly, Steve took a seat at the table. It was written all over his face that he didn't like sitting idly while others worked. Already back in the day at the Avengers Tower he had had his problems with the waiters and cleaning staff.   
"Relax, Steve," Tony said. "It's not like they're doing heavy labour." In fact, the way Bucky swivelled the contents of the pan had a touch of levity about it and Tony couldn't take his eyes off it. It was far too absurd to see the Winter Soldier, who had first murdered Tony's parents in cold blood and then had also gone after his former best friend Steve, casually flipping vegetables. 

To stop himself from thinking about it, Tony sat down on the only seat where the table was not set. He regretted it a few seconds later when first Wanda and then Bucky reached straight through him to put potatoes and vegetables on the table.   
"Mediterranean vegetables with roast potatoes," Bucky presented as he took a seat at Steve's side. "Go ahead and dig in. And don't hold back Steve, time travel does make hungry."   
The corner of Steve's mouth lifted briefly, but Tony couldn't tell if it was a grin or a grimace.   
As everyone dug into the food and the pots were passed all across the table, Tony's gaze drifted over to Steve. He was still wondering what he had seen and experienced in the past that had left him so drained. But no one brought up the obvious and so Tony had no choice but to live with the fact that he didn't know. It was probably a secret that Steve would take to his grave. How many secrets did Steve keep under his clean Captain America slate? Well, to be precise, it was more of a red, white, blue and star-spangled slate. And actually, after everything that had happened in the wake of the Sokovia Accords, it wasn't even metaphorically clean anymore. Still, Tony was sure that Steve had some well-kept secrets too. Even he himself had some. And this despite the fact that he had been living a life in the public eye for years. The journalists had already written about a relationship between him and Pepper when he was still considered missing in action in Afgahnistan. They had followed every move of Iron Man, documented every little change in the design of his suits. The tabloids had known he was going to be a father before he had known it himself. Probably even before Pepper had known. And yet there were a whole host of secrets he would take to his grave.

Maybe it was because he had just been thinking about his own death, but Tony thought he saw a glow appear in the room behind Steve.   
"Is that the light at the end of the tunnel now? Bit theatrical, isn't it?" Tony mocked. "Well, since I'm currently not planning on heading towards it..." he fell silent as the circle of light widened and began to emit golden sparks. Now the others at the table noticed it too and turned to the portal from which Dr. Strange emerged in front of their eyes.   
"Well hello, Mr. Magic is back," Tony blurted out. He couldn't help himself. He knew his return to the real world depended on the sorcerer, but his tendency to speak in enigmas was annoying. But what Strange said when he appeared so suddenly in their midst was not at all enigmatic: "I think I've solved the problem." 

Steve's fork fell clattering onto his plate and Bruce choked on a piece of vegetable. Tony stared at Strange and didn't quite know what to feel. The prospect of leaving the astral plane soon and properly interacting with the world around him again was wonderful. But Tony couldn't shake off the feeling that there was a catch to it. He had learned a bit about magic in the last few days and if there was one thing you could count on with magic, it was that there was always a catch to it. 

"We need to anchor Stark to the material world" Strange said straight out and without bothering to take a seat. The reactions that followed were mixed. Steve, Bruce and Tony all stared at him, eagerly awaiting further explanation. Bucky and Wanda exchanged irritated glances as if they couldn’t grasp what was happening. Rhodey pricked another potato onto his fork and shoved it into his mouth, unimpressed. 

Strange looked at each of them one by one, at least at those who were physically in the room. When none of them jumped up in excitement or even signalled in any way that they had understood, Strange sighed.   
"Well, you could have guessed that, couldn't you?" Tony said, and a part of him hoped that Strange could hear him. "No one here is very well versed in magic. In fact, I'm currently the second most powerful wizard in this room and between us, that's quite a statement."   
Strange approached the table and Tony was able to dart aside just in time before he took a seat in the apparently vacant chair Tony had been sitting in until just now. "That was actually my seat..." he complained, but Strange began a more detailed explanation and Tony didn't want to miss a second of it. 

"The concentrated power of all six infinity stones has separated Stark's spirit from his body. To be precise, they have hurled his astral body out of his physical body. That's usually harmless and returning to one's own body is fuss-free and painless." Tony saw Steve cast a sideways glance over at Bruce, but he had his eyes firmly fixed on Strange. "Maybe the separation of body and mind was also some kind of self-protective mechanism, since the astral form can't feel pain. No matter why it happened, it is a fact that Stark is not able to return into his body on his own. Some kind of astral barrier prevents that, that's why he's been wandering around on the other plane for days."   
Wanda's eyes widened in surprise. "He's here? In this room?"  
"Possible," Strange replied, before continuing unperturbed. "Since Stark's body is frozen, he won't die. But to provide him with medical care, we will inevitably have to unfreeze him. It is possible that once Stark's body returns to a normal temperature, he will be able to return into it on his own, but maybe not. However, even if he can, the body is already so close to death that he would die right beneath our hands before we have any chance to medically intervene." Tony felt slightly offended by the way Strange spoke so carelessly of his definitive passing, and he saw that Steve's posture had once again become stiff and tense. It was Rhodey who raised his voice, "That doesn't sound like a solution to me" Strange eyed him. "No, that was the explanation of the circumstances. I presented the solution to you five minutes ago, but I thought it appropriate, given your reactions, to provide some additional background information."

The insult was subtle, very subtle, and yet Rhodey received it as just that. Tony knew it was just Strange's way of talking to people who understood less about the subject than he did. It was annoying all the same. Before Rhodey could give an irritated answer, however, Bruce intervened, "What exactly does it mean that we have to anchor Tony to the material world? How does that help with the problem that his body is already so damaged that he probably won't survive being defrosted?" Tony gave Bruce an approving nod. As so often, he was asking the right and important questions.   
"Dying doesn't just happen on a physical level. The spirit also has to leave this life before someone is truly dead." Strange said "If we manage to anchor Stark's spirit, he won't die even if the body does." There was silence. A fascinated and equally incredulous silence. Tony stared at Strange as much as anyone else, not sure if he had heard correctly. 

This time it was Bucky who spoke out Tony's thoughts: "So he would become immortal?" It sounded even more ludicrous spoken aloud than it did in Tony's head. Strange shook his head with an expression on his face that made it clear that in his eyes Bucky had asked an absolutely ridiculous question. But judging by the looks on the others' faces, they had been thinking pretty much the same thing.  
"No, he wouldn't become immortal," Strange answered emphatically calmly, as if he was talking to a child. "The spell begins to slowly dissolve the moment the body dies. How quickly it does depends on the strength of the anchoring. I can't make Stark immortal, but I can buy the doctors time. Time that is desperately needed to stabilise his body." Tony was a little disappointed. The possibility of becoming immortal had been appealing to him. But the option of at least not dying immediately wasn't bad either. Strange looked around the room and finally caught Steve's eye. Deep furrows had already formed on his forehead again. The concern also resonated quite clearly in his voice: "How confident are you that this is going to work?"  
Strange's answer was addressed directly to him and Tony knew that it was Steve's word alone that mattered here. If his captain wasn't in his corner, Strange wouldn't perform the spell. "I'm sure it's worth a try. It's difficult and it can go wrong, but I have no other idea. It's our only chance"

Everyone sitting at the table stared at Steve intently. Just like Tony, they were waiting for the captain's verdict, who had to approve or reject the mission. Tony believed he knew what was going on in his mind. He wanted to help Tony, at any cost, but the mere possibility that he might actually die in the process made Steve doubt it. It had always been like that. Steve had no problem putting his life on the line in reckless actions, but as soon as it involved other lives, he struggled.  
Finally Steve opened his mouth, hesitated for another second, and then said, "You're the doctor, Stephen, I trust you to get this right." The tension in the room was palpable all at once. It was like back then when they had decided to travel through the quantum realm together to change the past. Tony could feel it. It was the same mixture of determination and uncertainty. They had committed themselves to an important mission, to save his life. Whatever it took.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on tumblr: [@beccibarnes](https://beccibarnes.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Thank you for reading <3


	17. Deliberating

Steve put his hands on his hips and stared out the large window. He had his back turned to Strange, who was sitting on the large sofa in the common room. With his fingers interlocked, Strange had spent the last hour explaining everything to Steve in great detail. It had been Steve's stipulation before they cast an unknown and novel spell on Tony. Most of what Strange had explained had by now been pieced together in Steve's brain to form a jigsaw puzzle of understanding. Much of it sounded incomprehensible and a little frightening at first, but Strange had gone the extra mile to also outline the logical connections for Steve, giving him a chance to entirely understand. Steve sorted the pieces in his head one last time to look at the picture as a whole before he slowly turned choosing his words carefully: "The spell connects Tony's life to that of a human anchor. Thus his spirit continues to live even if his body dies." Strange nodded and Steve continued. "But the moment the body dies, the spell slowly begins to dissipate and when it is completely gone, Tony also dies irrevocably." Strange nodded again. "And how long the spell lasts depends on the strength of the connection between Tony and the anchor." This time Strange did not nod, but Steve knew his statement was correct. It was the problem they had been coming back to again and again during the last minutes. The stronger the emotional bond between Tony and his anchor, the stronger the spell would become. That was why picking the anchor carefully was important to maximise Tony's chances. A wrong anchor could cost valuable seconds, which in the worst case could lead to Tony's ultimate death.

So the obvious question was, which person was close enough to Tony to be a strong emotional anchor. When Steve had first met Tony, he could have answered this question without hesitation. No one. But times had changed, Tony had changed. And now it was anything but easy for Steve to choose from the many people who had grown to be important to Tony. And yet, _important_ was not enough here. It had to be someone who had entered Tony's life, had turned it upside down, and whose loss would be really close to Tony's heart, even if he himself probably wouldn't admit it. Steve's stomach tightened painfully. Pepper fitted the description and it was immediately clear to him that she had been the one who would have been most suitable as an anchor. She had made Tony a better person and Tony had always loved her unconditionally. But Pepper had died in the Battle of the Universe. Steve swallowed hard as he realised that there was someone else who had turned Tony's life upside down like no one else. He turned back to Strange. "How old does the anchor to the material world have to be?" 

Strange shook his head. "Morgan Stark is too young." It wasn't the first time Steve felt like Strange could read minds. "I'll send the anchor to the astral plane alone. Whoever it's going to be has to understand what they're doing." Steve nodded, having already suspected something like that. And yet Tony's daughter would certainly have been one of the strongest anchors possible. Steve hadn't had that much contact to Tony since Morgan had been born, but a few moments had been enough to convince him of what a loving father Tony was and how much his daughter meant to him. But all the love Tony had for Morgan was of no use when she was too young to be considered as an anchor.   
Steve racked his brain trying to think of anything that could help him find the right anchor for Tony. Some memory that would put him on the right track or some unexpected connection.  
 _I lost the kid._  
The sentence echoed in Steve's head as if Tony had just said it at this very moment and not over five years ago. Steve hadn't quite understood it then, hadn't known how much Tony had already been identifying himself with being a father. But since they had been working together again, it was evident how much Tony cared about Peter. Steve was pretty sure that it had been the prospect of bringing Peter back that had ultimately convinced Tony to join them on their risky mission and the time heist.

"Peter Parker," Steve said and saw Strange frown in disbelief. "The kid?"   
"Why not?" Steve followed up. "He's old enough, he'd do anything to help Tony and most importantly they're emotionally connected. Tony is almost like a father to him" Steve was so convinced of his idea that his speaking had speeded up. But Strange did not share his enthusiasm. "I don't think the boy is stable enough"  
Steve stared at Strange aghast and his excitement collapsed. Peter met all the requirements Strange had told him and yet the sorcerer seemed seriously unhappy with Steve's choice of an anchor. "Steve, if I send the boy to the astral plane and he has an emotional breakdown at the first sight of Tony, it won't help anyone." 

Gruffly, Steve turned back to the glass façade and folded his arms in front of his chest. As much as he disliked it, Strange was unfortunately right. Peter was suffering so much from losing Tony that it would be wrong to entrust him with such an important and emotionally stressful task in his condition. But he had been Steve's last hope. The only person close enough to Tony to be called family who was old enough and, above all, alive. If they couldn't find anyone else for anchoring Tony, then his last chance would be ruined. All the effort Strange, Shuri and Bruce had put in to keep Tony alive would have been for nothing because Peter was a bit unstable. Steve tried hard to suppress the rising recriminations. He knew Peter wasn't doing it on purpose, that he was just a teenager and that it was perfectly normal for him to struggle over the death of a friend. He knew he was wronging Peter, but Steve couldn't stop the unpleasant thoughts from rising inside him. And he knew that if it failed because of Peter, Steve would never be able to look the boy in the eye again. There just had to be someone else who had an extraordinarily strong emotional bond with Tony. 

Steve heard something fall to the floor behind him. But he didn't turn around, another thought had just crossed his mind: "What about Rhodes?"   
Strange didn't answer and when a few more seconds of silence followed, Steve did finally turn around. Strange was still sitting in the same place on the sofa, but he no longer looked up at Steve. He stared in bewilderment at a book lying on the floor in front of him. He seemed so astonished by the book's existence that he had forgotten about Steve. The latter stepped closer to the sorcerer and said "Are you all right, Stephen? Do you think Rhodes could work?" Strange was silent for a few more seconds before he said quietly "I think you could work".

Steve winced and at the same moment wondered if he had understood the sorcerer correctly. He? Where did Strange get that idea? Yes, he liked Tony, by now they also were something like friends again and they had probably bonded more closely during their last mission than ever before. But he doubted that the emotional connection between them was strong enough. On the other hand, they were running out of options.   
"What makes you think of me?" Steve asked. But instead of answering, Strange just pointed at the book on the floor in silence. Steve eyed it. It was a historical novel. Steve knew that Rhodey was currently reading it and had most likely left it here in the common room. Steve raised an eyebrow questioningly. He didn't get what this book had to do with his relationship with Tony.   
"This book was lying there just a moment ago" Strange said, jerking his head towards the coffee table. "And I didn't touch it. No one did touch it."  
"Yeah, that happens rather frequently around here. It's the microquakes, caused by the vibranium mining underground. I too was startled at first, but..."  
"That happens frequently to you?" Strange interrupted him and his voice had suddenly become loud. He stared at Steve, who looked back in utter confusion.  
"Yeah... like I said, they are little earthquakes, a book falling off a table happens."  
"These are not earthquakes!" Strange retorted, looking shocked and excited in equal measure. "That's Stark!"

Steve's jaw dropped. "But... I thought he can't touch anything here?" He didn't understand. Strange had made clear to him what it meant to wander on the astral plane. Steve had experienced it first hand when he had brought the time stone back to the Ancient One. None of this had included interaction with the physical world. In fact, interaction with the physical world was explicitly excluded. And wasn't the whole point of the astral plane that it was completely separated from the material world?   
"Stark shouldn't be able to touch anything here. His body and mind were torn apart. The anchoring puts both parts back together with a spell. But given a strong emotional connection, Stark's mind may anchor itself for a short time and then he could be able to touch and move things. It is not common, but it's possible." Steve looked at Strange and understood. Tony was responsible for the constant movement of random things around him. Steve thought back to the clipboard in the cryo lab, the chair here in the common room and the pencil in his own flat. It wasn't the mining under their feet, it had been Tony all along. And if Steve had understood Strange correctly, it only happened at moments when the connection between them was particularly strong. Just like it had been a moment ago, when Steve had been thinking hard of possible anchors for Tony. Not even once had he contemplated himself, and in retrospect that felt grossly negligent. His modesty in all its honour, but if Tony hadn't moved the book, they probably wouldn't have considered Steve himself. Though Steve was almost certain that he wasn't the only one in the room in whose presence Tony could move objects. He cast a questioning glance over at Rhodey, who had been following their conversation intently. But Rhodey shook his head. 

Steve turned back to Strange. "So you think I should do it?"   
Strange nodded with determination. "You know what is at stake, what depends on it, you can work under pressure and you already have experience with the astral plane. And apparently your bond with Tony is so strong that he regularly anchors himself in your presence." Steve shifted his weight awkwardly. Somehow it made him uncomfortable that they were talking about him being emotionally closer to Tony than all the others in the room. Including Rhodey. But according to Strange, there was clear evidence of that and so Steve didn't question it any further for the time being. And part of him was glad that he had been assigned this important task. It made him feel good to be in charge of Tony's survival and not have to leave it to someone else. He knew it was a selfish way to think, and that Rhodey, Wanda and all the others would have also taken the job seriously and performed it well. But he couldn't turn off the thought. A grim determination spread through him. He would enter the astral plane, anchor Tony and bring him back. Whatever it took. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on tumblr: [@beccibarnes](https://beccibarnes.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Thank you for reading <3
> 
> Tell me how you felt while reading: ❤? 🥰? 🔥? 😯?


	18. Recruiting

Through the portal Strange opened in front of Steve, they could peer into a dark hallway. The small window at the end of the corridor revealed little more than another dirty wall. From this distance, Steve couldn't even determine if it was sunny outside or not. He stepped through the golden ring and onto the dusty carpet and with muffled steps headed for the first door on his left. Strange followed him wordlessly. Steve still didn't know if what they were doing here was right. But Strange was convinced that it would maximise Tony's odds and so Steve didn't question it any further for now, but simply followed the instructions. Something he always struggled with, but given what was at stake, Steve couldn't discuss that.

He pressed the button labelled _Parker_ next to the door handle. An uneasy feeling was spreading through him. Maybe Peter was still mad at him for sending him away so gruffly. Maybe he wouldn't want to help them at all.

"Mr. Rogers? Mr. Strange?" Peter alternately stared at each of them through the open flat door.

" _Dr_. Strange," Strange corrected under his breath and apparently without realising it. Peter's face had surprise and excitement clearly written all over it, but it only took a few seconds for his expression to change to suspicion. "What happened?"

Steve suddenly remembered that he had promised Peter to get in touch when Tony woke up. He hadn't done that because Tony hadn't woken up yet. But his own serious and tense expression seemed to have told Peter at a glance that they were not here to announce happy news.

"May we come in?" Steve asked, and Peter opened the door further to let the two Avengers into his flat. Steve caught a brief glimpse of Peter's aunt sitting in the living room watching a TV series before Peter led them to his room. Steve had to withhold a grin as Peter kicked dirty laundry on the floor into the corners in a haste and cleared his bed of books, papers and technics. It was obvious that he hadn't been expecting visitors. But he offered them the cleared bed as a seating and settled himself on his rickety desk chair.

"What happened?" Peter repeated, unable to keep the fear out of his voice.

"Nothing at all," Steve reassured him. "Nothing about Tony's condition has changed. You haven't missed anything, he's still frozen." Peter exhaled in relief, but immediately turned to Strange. " _Still_... that means you want to unfreeze him. That's why you're here. You've found some spell to bring him back!" suddenly Peter's voice tumbled with excitement. All the enthusiasm that had been absent when Strange had presented his solution to the other Avengers now seemed to have accumulated in Peter.

"You're smarter than is good for you," Strange replied dryly, and immediately a barrage of questions went down upon him. But Peter instantly fell silent as the sorcerer raised his hand. "I will answer all your questions. But not now and not here" His eyes briefly focused the door behind which they could hear faint voices coming from the television. Peter remained silent and just nodded tensely.

"We need you in Wakanda" Steve now raised his voice and Peter looked at him with wide eyes. "You need _me_ ?" Steve noticed that Peter, in his surprise, had promptly forgotten to call him _Mr. Rogers_.

"We need everyone who has a particularly strong connection with Tony. And you're pretty high up on that list" Steve smiled at Peter, whose jaw had now dropped as well and who, overall, looked quite dumbfounded. He glanced in disbelief from Steve to Strange and back again until the latter interrupted the silence. "We don't have time for details now. Pack up some things quickly, we'll pick you up here in half an hour." And he was already starting to open a portal in the middle of Peter's room. Steve would have liked to explain a little more to the boy, but he feared Strange would close the portal in his face if he didn't hurry to keep up with the sorcerer. So he contented himself with a placating gesture in Peter's direction and also rose from the bed to walk through the golden ring, following Strange and leaving a perplexed Peter behind.

Steve had to blink at the bright light as he suddenly looked directly into a sunrise. In front of him, the pink and orange hues of the sky were reflected in the mirror-like surface of a small lake that stretched behind a rustic house. Above Steve, the leaves of the forest patch they had landed in were rustling in a light breeze. Here and there one fell to the ground, slid down the roof of the cottage and joined the others of its kind, forming a thick carpet of red and brown on the forest floor. Even an artist could not have painted the scenery more autumnal. And yet Steve's heart grew heavy. He had to think not only of why they were here, but also of why he had been here the last time. Back then, he, Scott and Natasha had tried to convince Tony of their idea of the "time heist". This time heist had been successful. And yet only a few of their former small group were still among them.

Steve locked the emerging dark thoughts into the forbidden room in his mind, just like he had done with so much lately, and focused again on why they were here now. "I'm still not convinced by the idea, Cap," Strange said as the portal closed behind them. Steve nodded more determinedly than he really felt and replied, "The more connections Tony has to this world, the better. Those were your words." Strange couldn't contradict and they headed towards the wooden porch in silence. The stairs squeaked slightly as they stepped onto them, sending a shiver down Steve's spine despite the warm sun. His confidence in the plan was rapidly fading.

They didn't even need to ring the doorbell. The second Steve had raised his hand, the door opened in front of them. The look on Happy's face was hard to read. It was somewhere along the lines of suspicion, delight and sadness.

"Cap?! Dr. Strange?! I should have known." He shook his head and said more to himself than to Steve or Strange "Who else would appear out of the blue via a portal in the garden?" Then his eyes narrowed and he lowered his voice "Is it good news or bad news?" Steve and Strange exchanged a meaningful look. "Good, I think" Strange finally said, causing Happy to open the door wider. "Then you may come in"

Steve had never been in Tony's house before and he couldn't help but take a closer look at the interior when he entered. The house was furnished very cosy, rustic and with lots of timber. The oversized holographic TV and the Stark Industries 3D work table clearly revealed who lived here, but the house looked much less like a workshop than Steve had expected. He supposed that was partly thanks to Pepper, who had certainly had a say in the choice of furniture. Nevertheless, Steve could feel how much of Tony's soul was in this house too. It had been his refuge, his safe space after the bitter defeat against Thanos. He had built a new peaceful life here, shielded from the painful reality of the real world. Tony had succeeded where Steve had failed: he had moved on. And part of Steve envied him for it.

"Happy, what do they want here?" Morgan Stark, Tony's four-year-old daughter, had looked up from her picture book. She was sitting on the carpet in front of the fireplace, her back leant against the couch, looking wide-eyed at Steve. And Steve stared back in surprise. If asked, he wouldn't have been able to describe Tony's eyes and yet he was immediately sure that Morgan had inherited her eyes from her father. And although he had seen the girl before, the revelation hit him harder than it should have. All at once Steve realised how much he missed looking into those brown eyes that always showed him the truth, even when their possessor said the opposite.

Remotely, Steve noticed that Strange was filling Happy in on their plan, out of earshot of Morgan, so he settled down on the carpet next to the girl. She lowered her eyes.

"Hey, I'm Steve," he said, because he simply didn't know how else to begin. He knew that his mere physical appearance could be intimidating to kids and he definitely didn't want Morgan to be afraid of him.

"I know," she replied, so quietly that Steve almost couldn't hear it. He paused for a moment. He was pretty sure that no names had been dropped last time he had been here. Had she picked up his name from the news, even though he was usually referred to as Captain America and not Steve Rogers, or had Tony actually told his daughter about him?

"What are you reading?" Steve asked, mainly to distract himself from his own thoughts, pointing to the book that still rested on her knees. Morgan didn't answer immediately, but fiddled nervously with a corner of the current page for several long seconds, avoiding looking at Steve.

“Billions of bricks," she said finally, lifting the book and showing Steve the cover, which featured a handful of drawn construction workers moving whole pallets of red bricks. Morgan tapped on the red rectangles. "Look, there's lots of bricks."

Steve was relieved that she was talking to him and nodded in acknowledgement. "Indeed. That really are a billion bricks."

But to his surprise Morgan shook her head indignantly. "No, that's not all of them! That's only three thousand. The rest of them are inside the book!"

"Of course" Steve replied and couldn't help grinning. There was too much Tony in the way Morgan corrected him for him to not notice. "Maybe you can show me the rest of the bricks inside at some point then" Morgan nodded enthusiastically at this suggestion and finally looked up at Steve. "I already know nearly all pages by heart."

"Wow" Steve marvelled and his grin turned into a genuine smile. It was the first time he was smiling in weeks. It made him happy to see little Morgan innocently and heartwarmingly excited about her book, even though so much bad had happened around her. Tony and Pepper had done their best to protect their daughter from the horrors of the world she was born in, an endeavour that certainly didn't get any easier when you were Iron Man. And now with neither of them able to do it anymore, Happy continued their task unasked and naturally. And from what Steve had seen so far, he was pretty good at it.

"Do you know where Dad is?" Morgan asked suddenly. A shiver ran down Steve's neck. As his mind had wandered, he had started to stare at the fireplace in front of them, lost in thought, not noticing that Morgan had closed her book and was now looking up at Steve questioningly. He swallowed hard. He didn't know what to say. He didn't want to be the one to explain the unpleasant details to Morgan. But he didn't want to lie to the girl either.

"I... he..." Steve stammered, desperately struggling for words. Happy helpfully jumped to his side. "Your dad is still out and about. You know, he and Mum had to leave for work." Morgan grimaced. "I know, but when are they coming back?" Happy settled down on the carpet on Morgan's other side. "What do you say, we all go pick up your dad together?" Morgan's expression brightened.

"He needs your help with something and I'm sure there's a cheeseburger waiting for you afterwards" Morgan smiled widely and immediately jumped up to pack her things. As she ran up the stairs and into her room, she listed the things she would desperately need for the trip, including a plush dragon, a wooden sword and a toy stethoscope. Happy's gaze followed her until she had disappeared and then met Steve who said "We need to explain the details to her. I don't want to scare her too much, but she deserves a chance to understand the truth." Happy nodded. "She'll understand when she sees him. She's smart. And she's stronger than you think." Steve didn't doubt that for a second; after all, she was Tony Stark's daughter. But Steve himself was having a hard time with all this, and she was just a kid, after all.

Steve and Strange waited downstairs while Happy followed Morgan upstairs. The sorcerer had taken an unusually tensed seat at the dining table and was staring off into nothingness. Steve wandered around the room, observing the many details. He didn't really want to snoop around, but the house had a strange effect on him. Everything here was so closely connected to Tony that Steve wanted to soak up every square metre. He looked at the family photos that were on the mantelpiece. Most of them showed Tony and Morgan, it had probably been Pepper who had insisted on these photographs. Every now and then, however, she was pictured, holding a small, newborn Morgan or gathered with her family. How old were these pictures? Steve knew that Pepper had had no close family left. That had been one of the reasons he had included her in the Wakandan funeral ceremony. But it was impossible to tell from the picture how many years ago it had been taken. Had Pepper's parents survived the blip? Had they got to know their granddaughter? Steve didn't doubt that they had known who Pepper had married, after all, the whole world knew that Tony Stark was Iron Man, but he somehow couldn't imagine that they had liked it. And now, Happy was the last bit of family little Morgan had left.

It took a while until the two had gathered everything. It was a journey into the unknown for them and no one could predict how long they would stay in Wakanda or what they would need. And Happy had to assert himself a few times against Morgan, who wanted to rather take 7 books with her than enough clean T-shirts. But finally the travel bags were packed and everyone was ready to leave. Strange rose and wordlessly opened a portal which led, as Steve could see, directly to the Avengers' common room in Wakanda. Morgan's eyes sparkled in competition with the golden ring as she and Happy stepped through it together while Steve and Strange stayed behind. Steve watched the portal close and open again, this time leading directly into Peter's room, who turned in shock, knocking the clothes to the floor he had been piling up on his bed.

When the three of them arrived back in Wakanda only a few minutes later, Steve's doubts had also caught up with him again. He had just dragged two children out of their familiar and safe environments to help them perform an unexplored spell that might bring Tony back. What if it didn't work? What if he was the one to blame for Morgan watching her f-ather die? He would never forgive himself for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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> 
> Thank you for reading <3


	19. Preparing

The sun was shining warmly through the tall glass panes as Steve left the portal again alongside Peter and Dr Strange. Morgan had her nose pressed against the glass and was looking excitedly down at the Golden City below, while Happy was still struggling with their bags. They had hopelessly tangled up with each other and with him. Peter obviously felt quite at home again, as soon as his foot had touched Wakandan ground. He threw his backpack into one of the armchairs, kicked his shoes off his feet and flopped down on the couch. Steve heard the hissing of the portal fade away behind him and Dr Strange leaving the room in silence. He would inform Shuri, Bruce and the doctors as discussed, so they could prepare everything required. They would perform the spell this very afternoon. There was no point in waiting any longer than necessary. Morgan and Peter would soon start to feel the jet lag that came with travelling to a time zone eight hours ahead in a matter of seconds. It was better to get things done as quickly as possible so they could both unwind tonight.   
"Peter, you already know your room," Steve said. "Happy, there's also a flat for the two of you on this floor. Just down the hall and the third door on the right. Go ahead and drop off your bags, I'll stay here and keep an eye on Morgan in the meantime" Happy nodded gratefully and staggered out of the room loaded with luggage, getting caught on first the sofa and then the kitchen table, but managing to keep the glass door intact.   
Steve turned to Morgan and was surprised to see, that she was no longer standing at the window alone. Peter had knelt beside her and together they pointed down through the glass. Steve could hear Peter explaining what they saw there, where the great citadel was, where the king lived and why there was a panther carved into the mountain. For a while Steve listened to the two of them as discreetly as possible, then Peter noticed that he was watching them and gave him a glance. Steve raised a questioning eyebrow, but Peter just shrugged in reply before turning back to Morgan.   
Steve heard the glass door behind him open again and someone enter the room. Happy joined him and they stood in silence for a while, both watching Peter and Morgan. Then Happy said something that was meant for Steve's ears only, "They are preparing the hospital room, we should show and explain everything to her before it really starts" Steve nodded, even though everything in him opposed bringing Morgan anywhere near her disfigured and frozen father. He could vividly remember how he had felt the first time he had seen Tony like this. Once again Steve had to remind himself that the reason she was here was that it would increase Tony's chances of survival and that they had not made this decision easily. Morgan had a strong emotional bond with Tony. But that was exactly why Steve actually wanted to keep her out of it.

Nevertheless, Steve led her, Happy and Peter down the corridor and into the lift. None of them said a word and the uncomfortable silence accompanied them all the way to the floor where the labs and Tony's body were. For the spell and the medical aftercare that would follow it, they had arranged a new room off the actual hospital ward. Even without being told what exactly was happening, Morgan seemed to understand that it was about to get important. Outside the door to the room that was just being transformed into an intensive care unit, they stopped and Happy got down on one knee to be at eye level with Morgan.   
"Listen big girl, we're going to visit your dad now." Morgan didn't grin, as she had done at the lakeside cabin and as Steve had assumed she would now, but continued to listen carefully, as if she knew there was a catch to it. "I already told you that he needs your help, remember?" she nodded. "Your father had an accident at work and is now injured. That's why he's being treated by lots of different doctors. He may not look the way you remember him, but he's still the same. And it's very important that you stay with us in his room. Because if you think of him firmly, it will help the doctors to make him well again." Morgan nodded again, but had become very quiet and Steve couldn't tell what was going on inside her. She reached for Happy's hand and Steve opened the door anxiously.

The room looked surprisingly much like an ordinary hospital room, and had little left of the laboratory it had originally been. The bright light from the ceiling illuminated various large and small instruments, which were being busily wired and positioned by doctors and scientists in white coats. In the centre of the room was a large bed prepared, complete with ventilation mask and IV drip.Right next to it they had set up the cryo capsule from which they would hopefully, finally and once and for all free Tony today. Rhodey was already sitting on one of the chairs along the walls and made a strained face as if he had just eaten something very disgusting. Peter wordlessly dropped into another chair but could not take his eyes off Tony's capsule. Morgan had huddled close to Happy and was peeking uncertainly from behind one of his legs. Her gaze wandered hesitantly over the doctors and the bed, finally settling on the cryo capsule.   
"Is Dad in there?" she asked, looking up at Happy, who nodded ponderously. "Can I go look?"  
"I don't know if..." Steve began, but Happy was already guiding Morgan towards the capsule. She seemed to be clinging to his hand more than usual, but her steps were sure, albeit slow. The expression on Morgan's face when she spotted her father, lying frozen and covered in colourful scars in the glass cylinder in front of her, was hard to read. But Steve deemed it a good sign that she didn't immediately burst into tears. The whole room fell silent as she took a few more steps closer and looked at Tony with attention. Everyone present seemed to be anxiously awaiting her reaction.   
"Are the coloured lines from the accident?" Happy nodded cautiously again, apparently unsure what to expect or answer. "And you will make him well again?"   
"We're doing our best" a female doctor answered her. Morgan didn't look at her or otherwise let on that she had heard her. She let go of Happy's hand and put her little fingers on the glass right above Tony's chest. Then she pressed her cheek to it and whispered "It's going to be alright Daddy, I'll look after you"   
Steve felt a lump forming in his throat while at the same time a wave of relief flooded through him. The room was suddenly filled with a peculiar atmosphere, somewhere between tragic joy and compassionate anticipation. It was hard to describe, but Morgan Stark had just proved to everyone what Happy had already known. She was stronger than they had thought.

"Perhaps that was a good decision," Strange said, who had entered the room unnoticed behind Steve. "Little Stark will be a powerful pole when you're on the astral plane. Try to draw his attention to the girl if he were to slip away from you." Steve nodded. Strange had just reminded him ineluctably that the most important part was yet to come, and that it depended mostly on himself now. It didn't matter that Morgan was so strong and coped so well with the situation if Steve failed to anchor Tony. It was Dr. Strange who would cast the spell, but after that it was up to Steve to make something of it. He glanced around the room uneasily as the doctors exited through the door and closed it behind them. They would wait outside for their signal to not counteract the strong connection to Tony they had created inside the room. All was set and Steve suddenly had the feeling of standing in a very bright light. Rhodey looked at him emphatically. Peter looked like he was about to throw up. Only Morgan, who was now sitting on Happy's lap, was not looking at Steve but at Tony and had her fingers firmly crossed.   
Steve took a few deep breaths and then sat down on the last empty chair in the room. He looked at Strange and in the few seconds that their eyes met, hundreds of thoughts flashed through his mind. Maybe he wouldn't be able to make it, maybe Tony had been separated from his body for too long, or maybe his body had been too badly damaged. Maybe Tony's astral form wasn't here at all, or he wouldn't be able to touch him. Or maybe their connection was simply not sufficient to anchor him again. Steve tried not to be swayed by the dark fog of unwelcome thoughts and nodded to Strange to signal that he was ready. The longer they waited, the more sinister apprehensions would rise up in him.

Strange's palms began to glow as golden rings formed around his wrists. He stepped up to Steve and placed a magically illuminated hand in the middle of Steve's chest. Steve looked over at Morgan from the corner of his eye. Surely she was curious and didn't want to miss the sorcerer's light show. But to his surprise, she still hadn't taken her eyes off Tony. Steve didn't have time to decide whether to be puzzled or impressed by this, because the next moment a cold shiver spread through his body starting where Strange's hand was, and he knew he was just being hurled out of his body. He had braced himself for this, and yet it was an unpleasant feeling, as if cold water instead of blood was suddenly being pumped through his veins. But as quickly as it had come, it was gone again. Steve saw his body collapse unconsciously, but he also saw who was suddenly standing in front of him. 

"Tony" The name escaped him impulsively and with a gasp. He was almost ashamed about it, but it simply felt too good seeing him there, casually leaning against his own cryo capsule, arms folded in front of his chest and still wearing his outrageously tight undersuit.  
"Welcome to my kingdom. I've been expecting you." Tony said with dignity and Steve needed a moment to let the sound of his voice sink in. Many times he had thought he would never hear that voice again. And now he was here. They both were here. Steve got up from his chair, leaving his unconscious body behind, and stepped up to Tony. "It's good to see you" Steve said, and he thought he had never meant a sentence more honestly.   
"I can imagine. It's good to have you answer me for a change." Tony replied and grinned. The corners of Steve's mouth also lifted at the sight.   
"You talked to me?"  
Tony shrugged. "I didn't really have much of a choice. Besides, you talked to me too."  
Steve remembered the one time he had brought the spellbooks into the cryolab and spoken uncertainly into an empty room. "I would have done it more often if I had known where you were"  
"No need to justify anything Cap, you had enough on your plate planning my rescue. And from what I can see, you were successful." Tony gestured at their surroundings, the equipment, the bed and his friends and family.  
"We'll find out in a minute." The relieved cheerfulness disappeared from Steve's voice again as he was reminded that Tony wasn't really back yet, and he was only talking to his slightly transparent astral reflection. 

"You know Steve, I'm glad you gathered an audience for my heroic resurrection," Tony said "But why did you also bring her of all people? Morgan shouldn't have anything to do with this, she should be with her mother." Tony's smile had faded as well and he had his eyes fixed on his daughter who was still staring intently at his body.  
"I know, I'm sorry. But it was necessary." Steve explained the principle of anchoring and the plan he and Strange had worked out to Tony briefly and directly. He didn't know how much of their conversations Tony had overheard, so he thought it best to start at the beginning, but he omitted the real reason Morgan wasn't with her mother. At several points Tony tried to interrupt Steve, but Steve continued talking unperturbed until he finished. "Happy explained everything to her very simply and left out the messy details. The things he explained to her she understands, I think, and she just wants you to get better."   
Tony's eyes narrowed. "I'll let you get away with that today, Rogers. But if this goes wrong while she's around - and you know damn well it can - I will personally ensure that you are haunted on every magical plane there is. Are we clear?"   
Steve swallowed. It wasn't the first time he was the target of Tony's wrath, but it had always been a matter of principles for them. Never before had it been anything personal.

"Cap, you're ready?" Steve and Tony both winced equally. They had forgotten that while the other people in the room couldn't hear them, they could certainly talk to them. Strange had his arms folded and was staring impatiently at the lit candle on a small side table in front of him. Steve looked Tony insistently in the eyes. "Do you trust me?"   
Tony gave a short, mocking laugh. "After you kidnapped my daughter without my knowledge and brought her to a dubious, potentially dangerous, magical ritual, I don't really have any reason to do so anymore" Steve sighed gloomily and was already launching into an extensive apology when Tony continued "And yet something tells me to listen to you. Maybe it's that strange sorcerer over there, tapping his feet so impatiently."   
Steve laughed short and nervous to release some of the unbearable tension inside him. "Then give me your hand." Tony pursed his lips and raised his eyebrows derisively. "I've never known you to be so clingy. Must have really missed me" The worry line between Steve's eyebrows dug deep into his forehead.  
"And no matter what happens, by all means do not let go, Tony."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading <3
> 
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	20. Holding

Determined, Tony reached for Steve's hand. It was the first time he could really touch him again. Although there was no body heat to be felt in their astral form, Tony was clearly aware of the way Steve's skin felt, the way it wrinkled a little at the joints and the way the tendons underneath it tightened as his hand closed firmly around Tony's. It was a strangely thrilling sensation that Tony had not expected. But he had other things to deal with at the moment and so he blamed the sudden tingling in his fingertips on the long time he had spent on the astral plane. It just felt good to be able to touch someone again, that had nothing to do with Steve in particular.

"Ready?" Steve asked, with a voice that suddenly sounded much more insistent than it had just moments before. It was the voice that made a soldier tense every muscle, prepared to go into battle, and yet it gave Tony a feeling of both calm and trust.  
"Ready," Tony replied, turning his gaze to the candle that was burning innocently over there in the real world. Steve had explained the plan to him and he had already moved real objects before. He had just never done it on purpose. Dematerialising small objects was child's play for him by now, but this was different. He needed a mental connection to the real world to be able to interact with it. And that was why Tony held Steve's hand tightly as they moved towards the candle together. He was fully aware of how they must look to bystanders, but that was not important right now. Tony did not avert his eyes from the steadily burning flame, and Steve did not avert his eyes from Tony. All he had to do was to reach out and touch the candle, move it in any way, or just cause the slightest breeze. Even a small flicker would tell Strange that they were ready for the spell. Insecurely, Tony reached out his free hand and moved it through the flame.

Nothing happened. The candle remained where it was, the fire burned unchanged and no one in the room moved. Tony's heart sank into his boots. Their connection was not strong enough. He couldn't even get this small flame to flicker, so how would the connection be sufficient to permanently anchor him again? No matter how much Steve and Strange had done for him so far, Tony would be stuck here forever because the puny remnants of his real emotions were simply not enough to form a real and strong bond. And Rhodey, Peter and Morgan watched him failing, and thus sealing his own death. His little Morgan, who wasn't even supposed to be here, who he had meant to protect from everything, especially from witnessing her own father die. What was the point of being a hero, what was the point of being Iron Man, if he couldn't even protect his own daughter? His hands had begun to tremble.  
"Try again" Steve said, squeezing Tony's other hand a little tighter.  
Steve really was incorrigible. He had seen perfectly well that the flame hadn't moved a bit. This boundless optimism that Steve held so dear was so delightfully familiar to Tony and yet so incredibly annoying. He had seen Steve break over the deaths of his friends Sam and Natasha. He had seen the other, vulnerable side of Captain America, even though Steve didn't know it. And no matter how much optimism he exhibited, sometimes it didn't help to just have faith and give it your best shot.  
Tony had already opened his mouth to add another discussion to their endless list, but then he reconsidered. Steve wanted the same thing he did, to bring Tony back to the world of the living. There was no reason to argue now of all times, they were fighting for the same objective. They were standing side by side again, were once again the joint leaders of the Avengers, pulling in the same direction. And it felt good to know he had Steve's full support. So Tony swallowed what he had wanted to say, gave Steve only a slightly upset look and moved his hand through the candle again, which began to flicker.

Strange immediately straightened up at this sign, lowered his head and brought his palms together in front of his body. Again, golden circles and signatures of light formed around his wrists and this time encircled his fingers as well. Slowly the symbols crept up Strange's arms and reached almost up to his elbows. Bright colours mingled with the glow and for a brief moment Tony saw the Infinity Stones flaring up again in front of his inner eye. But the golden light prevailed, making the sight seem warm and hopeful and suppressing the unpleasant memory of the pain. The lamps around them began to flicker eerily and the candle died as if a strong gust of wind had caught it. A few slim flashes of lightning darted through the air, so brief and delicate they were almost invisible. It felt as if the room was being filled with pure magic.

"Tony, give me your other hand," Steve demanded and Tony followed the request without hesitation. He knew it was Steve's job to ensure that Tony didn't slip away into the afterlife and the more of him he could hold here, the better. And it gave himself a little bit more of security to keep both hands firmly clasped with Steve's. Like two survivors in the eye of a hurricane, they just stood there while Dr. Strange's spell was sweeping over them.  
Tony's palms suddenly became very warm. Much warmer than body heat and Tony only just resisted the impulse to pull his hands away to prevent them from getting burnt. A searing sensation seemed to be emanating from the contact between his and Steve's hands, and while the magical storm slowly subsided, the glowing warmth between them remained. 

All of a sudden, a sharp pain shot through Tony's head, making him gasp. His knees weakened and he was glad to be holding on to Steve thus avoiding falling to the ground. "Tony?!" Steve's worried voice reached him muffled and Tony had to muster all his strength to stay upright. But just as fast as it had come, it was gone again.  
Tony looked up at Steve who was eyeing him anxiously. "Did it work?" Tony asked. Steve nodded tensely and gestured his head in the direction of Dr Strange, who was just opening the door, letting the physicians back into the room. Tony exhaled heavily. He didn't know what he had expected, but somehow he had never even considered that it might be painful to reunite the mind with the body. Shouldn't it actually want to return there willingly? Tony carefully listened to his insides. He didn't really feel any different than before. Except for the fact that he was holding hands with Captain America, which probably wouldn't have occurred to him under normal circumstances. But extraordinary situations called for extraordinary measures.

Around them they heard and saw the doctors getting down to work. The hiss of the opening cryo capsule echoed unexpectedly loudly through the room and made Tony aware that there was no turning back now. They were about to thaw his body once and for all and either he managed to hold on to life long enough to slip back inside it or he would drift off to the next plane in a few minutes. The plane that was a one way trip. Something similar seemed to be on Steve's mind, because he squeezed Tony's hands a little tighter and the worry line on his forehead was back as well.

"Seal breached, initiate defrosting" It was the voice of the doctor who had spoken to Morgan earlier. Tony looked over at his daughter in pain. She had not yet averted her eyes, but she was clinging tighter to Happy now as the doctors lifted Tony's rigid body out of the glass cylinder. He could have got used to this kind of out-of-body experience by now and yet it was still disconcerting to see himself like this. The badly battered armour that still covered Tony's body struck little silver sparks as three men tried to remove it with bending, breaking and a laser. It stung Tony to watch his brainchild being so mistreated. But to see the red panels remaining largely unimpressed by focused light and blunt impact force also made him a little proud. He had designed this armour to protect himself from those very things, and it did its job very well. But he had never thought of what would happen if he should ever be unable to leave it on his own, which now seemed to be a real shortcoming. He would have to rethink that for the next model. But apparently the extreme cold or the long absence of electric power had made the nano particles pliable, because the men managed to release his body bit by bit.  
The vital monitor began to beep softly and slowly as the ECG electrodes were attached to Tony's upper body. "Heartbeat autonomous, but weak. Blood oxygen low."  
Tony felt Steve shiver slightly beside him despite the unusual heat that was still glowing between them and he squeezed his hands tightly once more to signal that all was well, that he was still here. It certainly took a frozen body a while to function properly again. After all, his vital functions had been shut down to a minimum for the last few weeks. For sure, everything was proceeding completely normally and there was no reason to worry.  
But for Steve Rogers there was always reason to worry. He was the most worried person Tony knew. Always worried about everyone but himself. Tony didn't know what he could say to reassure Steve, for he himself didn't know exactly what was going on. 

"IVs are good, starting medication" While medicine wasn't exactly his area of expertise, Tony could tell that he was being given a very strong sedative. Why was beyond his comprehension. Wasn't a sedative exactly the opposite of what they wanted to achieve? Namely for him to wake up in his body, rather than to enter an even deeper sleep, if that was even possible. 

"No self-contained breathing, beginning intubation" Steve looked away from the bed and Tony couldn't blame him. The way the doctors were shoving a long plastic tube down his throat to enable artificial respiration didn't exactly look comfortable. An examining glance told Tony that Happy was hugging Morgan in a way that prevented her from seeing what was going on, for which Tony was very grateful. It was bad enough that she was around, she didn't need to see these visuals. 

But unfortunately it didn't stop with just pictures as the vital monitor began to beep loudly and irregularly. In shock over this unwelcome sound, Tony almost let go of Steve's hands, but his grip had become so firm that Tony probably wouldn't have managed to get away from him even if he had wanted to. But the sound, and especially what it implied, had stopped Tony cold. The senior doctor immediately confirmed Tony's apprehension: "Ventricular fibrillation. Initiating defibrillation."  
The busy hustle that had been around the bedside and equipment had given way to hectic chaos as all the doctors tried to get away from Tony's body as quickly as possible before it was electrocuted to bring the heartbeat back to normal. Tony heard the rising sound of the contacts charging and the bang as the electricity was discharged into his body. And he heard Steve beside him give a startled gasp and felt him wince and double over.  
"Steve!" Tony hadn't felt anything of the electric shock, much as he had expected, after all they were still on the astral plane where normally pain shouldn't exist. But it seemed Tony had passed the excess energy the doctors had sent into his body on to Steve via their still interfolded hands.  
"Again. Careful!" There was another bang, and although Tony again felt nothing, he heard his body lift off the bed briefly and land heavily back on it. And he saw Steve, whose astral form flashed up unusually bright and who dropped to his knees, his face contorted with pain. "Steve!" Tony shouted again, also dropping to the floor. Steve had his eyes closed and was breathing heavily. He previously had made it very clear to Tony that he was not to let go of his hands under any circumstances, but the electric shocks appeared to be streaming through Tony's hands straight into Steve, causing him severe pain. And no matter what Steve had said, Tony would not continue to follow his instructions if they caused Steve that much pain. Not when it was in his power to stop it right now, before the doctors initiated a third, even stronger electric shock.

"Stop!" Dr Strange exclaimed and both the doctors and Tony halted. "No more shocks." The doctor by the defibrillator looked at Strange, aghast, and turned up the amperage, undeterred "He's in ventricular fibrillation. He will die if we don't shock."  
"No shocks!" Strange repeated with authority. "He'll either make it on his own now... or he won't." The doctor paused, his finger hovering above the trigger of the defibrillator, and looked at Strange as if he had lost his mind. Tony looked back and forth between Dr Strange and Steve in horror, not sure what was worse. That Strange had just signed his death warrant, or that the only sure way to save his own life might cost Steve's. Tony tried to make sense of Strange's expression, but he couldn't tell if Strange was making a well-considered decision here, or if something had gone wrong and he was winging it.  
Had they really gone through all this trouble just to let him die now after all?  
The answer came immediately when a long piercing beep sounded from the vital monitor. 

Tony's heart had stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤ Thank you for reading!  
> ✨ Leave me a comment, I am excited to hear your thoughts.  
> 🌈 And feel free to share the story on [Tumblr](https://tales-and-thoughts.tumblr.com/post/641113988370972672/beccibarnes-one-more-miracle-dont-be), if you liked it.


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